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Patty Kimerer

Time to put the to-do list aside and honor the season

And now, as always, the annual obligatory homage to “A Visit from St. Nicholas” by Clement Clarke Moore — as told by jolly ol’ PK. ’Twas three nights before Christmas When all through the casa I was losing my grip Like a falling Mufasa. The wedding soup was made, As were ...

Notes to my new mommy self: Chill and enjoy

Exactly 20 years ago today (down to the moment, depending on when you read the paper), I brought home the best early Christmas present I ever will receive: my baby boy. Yep, it was cold and snowy on Dec. 8, 1999. I remember clearly because the chilled air had me wrapping that infant tighter ...

Let Ralphie’s story lead you into holiday hustle

Well, this is it. Crunch time. T-minus 23 shopping days and counting. Or would it be T-minus 24 days? I mean, technically there ARE stores open on Christmas Day. Hmpf. As fictional matriarch Marie Barone of the sitcom “Everybody Loves Raymond” often told her son: “I don’t like ...

’Twas the night before Black Friday, and I’m staying home

I’m breaking with tradition a little … and rushing the seasonal theme a tad, I know! But I thought I’d take a humorous angle on Turkey Day ala Clement Moore’s, “A Visit from St. Nicholas.” Don’t worry, you’ll still get saddled with that one next month, too. I digress. ’Twas ...

An open letter to those not freezing to death in Ohio

An open letter to my family members and friends who live in snow-free locations: Hello! I hope this note finds you well and happy. Gosh, who can believe we’re almost done with 2019. It’s been another whirlwind year at Casa Kimerer! Say, as a special favor in the spirit of the ...

College life is good for the kid, but not so good for mom

It’s such a huge adjustment, really; going from high school to college. I mean, the move alone is a major modification to life as you know it. Everything you knew before of regular old existence at the homestead is turned completely upside down, physically and, you know, in the ...

If November were a candy, it would be a Sour Patch Kid

The irony is not lost on me, November. You erratic, inconsistent, tricky, slippery little bugger you. There is hardly a more contrary, divergent month than the 11th, my friends. If November was a comedian, he’d be Don Rickles. You remember Don Rickles — he was a pioneer in the realm ...

Everything I need to know, Elle Woods taught me

Everything I need to know, I learned from “Legally Blonde.” Well, not really. To be fair, I’ve gone down this path before with some of my OTHER all-time fave flicks, including, “Moonstruck,” “Shawshank Redemption” and “Shrek.” Yes, “Shrek.” It’s surprisingly ...

Apparently, old chicks get crabby about stuff

After glancing down the other day, it occurred to me the life I’d known to that point, had ceased to exist. There they were. Live, in Technicolor and unmistakable — my grandma’s ankles. Gulp. I’m not sure why, but I remember what they looked like. Strange. I just recall looking ...

When the wrong word goes in the right ear

Do you remember The Fixx? They were a London-based new wave band — well, new back in the early 1980s, anyway. Oh, and when I say new wave, I’m not necessarily referring to their hair, although I could be, clearly. Those boys had bangs you could land a 747 on, I tell ya. In fact, only ...