I think it’s the hearing aid ads cluttering my mailbox that annoy me the most. The hearing aid cartel must figure I wouldn’t catch what they’re saying if they advertised on TV, but if I tilt my bifocals just right, and they print it in large enough letters, I might be able to see what ...

Growing up, I knew that just about the worst possible career choice would be princess. Beautiful princesses were always getting kidnapped by dragons or poisoned by wicked stepmothers, hopelessly lost in the woods or having their castle stolen. The only career choice worse than princess ...

Today, my cultured friends, we shall mix some grace and refinement into the proceedings. By which I mean, I shall recite some elegant poetry. Ready? Here goes. Roses are red, Violets are blue; My fish are my favorites, But you’re OK, too. Ah, poetry, the language of romance. If ...

While the sink filled with water, I went over the rules in my head: First, wash the mugs and cups, then the silverware, followed by the bowls and plates, and finally the pots and pans. I know about the rules because way back before I was married, a guy at work told me. He knew because he was ...

Many years ago, poet Robert Frost penned the famous lines, “Two roads diverged in a wood, and I — / I took the one less traveled by, / And that has made all the difference.” Which is to say, his GPS didn’t work either. My GPS lady will coo something like, “In 800 feet turn ...

As the great philosopher David Burge once intoned, “Yes, English can be weird. It can be understood through tough thorough thought, though.” Or, to quote the title of a volume by Theodor “Dr. Seuss” Geisel, “The Tough Coughs As He Ploughs the Dough.” The rules of our native ...