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Burton Cole

Want to help your spouse? Get out of the way!

I try to be the most helpful husband possible. That is why I watch so much football. There are only so many times that Terry needs to chase me out of the kitchen before I pick up on her subtle message — “Get out of my way. NOW!” So I put my feet up and click on the game. To help. Like ...

Trendy toppled top sheets give him fitted sheet fits

I trust that you’re trendy enough to have ditched your top sheets. What? Don’t tell me that you’re still using those old things. I knew that I wasn’t with it, but I thought you would be. It seems that hipsters have put the top sheet to bed by leaving it off the bed. That leaves us ...

Pondering life’s imponderable questions, memes, wisecracks

I meant to write an insightful, thought-provoking column this week but got sidetracked scrolling through memes and social media wisecracks. It left me with plenty of imponderables to ponder: ・ How many boys are still stuck at the bottom of some abandoned well because they thought their dog ...

Gramps spins colorful tale about living in black and white

“Gramps, what was it like living before color?” The old man scratched his white beard. “Before color what?” “My teacher showed us photos from the old days. Everything was black and white.” The puzzled look on the old man’s face smoothed into a crooked grin. “It was a lot ...

Who needs wrenches? There are plenty of rags

Editor’s note: While Burt is out taking a nap, we are making do with this Cole Classic that originally ran May 14, 2000. Making do is one of the things I do best. There is no reason to invest the time, money and effort required to do a project the so-called “right way” when “making ...

If you want to live a long and happy life … Shut up!

Thinking about getting married? Are you already signed, sealed and delivered, and wish to stay that way? Gather around, youngsters, as your gray-haired Uncle Burtie divulges how to talk to the woman you desperately hope to keep. Actually, I’m still working on the things TO say. But in my ...