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Burton Cole

I’d respect my elders if I could find any of them

My younger cousin Nancy (solidly in her 60s) zapped me a meme that states, “I was always taught to respect my elders, but it keeps getting harder and harder to find one.” Truth. Respect wasn’t earned; it was a page on the calendar. It’s my birthday month (Nancy’s, too), and now ...

Farm kid puzzles over mystique of corn mazes, hayrides

As a card-carrying farm kid — well, I would carry the card if I hadn’t lost in the pasture during “the incident” — I’ve been asked to drive a tractor this fall at an area corn maze. (No, we do NOT need to talk about the pasture incident. I don’t remember screaming like a little ...

Knock, knock. Who’s there? National Tell a Joke Day

Oh, here’s one: What does a cloud wear under his raincoat? Thunderwear! What do you call a dog magician? A labracadabrador, of course. What’s worse than finding a worm in the apple you’re eating? Finding half a worm. I don’t know if those jokes are enough to kick Ohio a rung ...

Self-proclaimed inventor says ‘bed rotting’ rattled his mental health

I’m a trendsetter. I realized this lying around the other day scrolling through my phone. As I adjusted my pillow and reached for another chip, a story popped onto the screen about “the latest TikTok craze” called “bed rotting.” Here’s how bed rotting works — you stay in bed ...

Say what? These old ears are hearing things

Noise wasn’t a bother back when my chief vocation was being a loud and obnoxious teenager. My young and agile ears heard what I wanted (“Time to eat!”) and filtered out the rest (“Pick up your shoes!” “You’re washing dishes tonight!”). I could wallow in pandemonium all day and ...

Outbuildings offer adventure to farm boy imaginations

Brian and I wandered around the old farm where he grew up. “That second-story on that section of the house wasn’t there when we were kids. We’d climb out a bedroom window on the other section and slide down the roof onto the gas tank below.” Presumably when his mom wasn’t watching. ...