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Burton Cole

Rolling through baggy years

I have reached the baggy years of life. I know this because of a meme I read the other day: “How to be an adult: Have a bag of cords, a gift bag full of gift bags, a plastic bag full of plastic bags, and bags under your eyes.” I’ve been bagged. It’s like someone prowled through my apartment and peeked — but didn’t have the courtesy to steal even one bag of plugs, cords, cables, chargers and adapters that don’t fit anything I own anymore but I keep because — say it with me — I might need that one day. I’m thinking of braiding the wads of power cords, phone ...

Password, password, anyone remember a password?

The only “password” I had to remember growing up was my locker number. And I wasn’t always eager to use it. My textbooks were in that locker. And, my nose suggested, a dirty gym sock or two from the previous semester. Even when I didn’t want to, I remembered my locker password. My ...

I’m telling! Tales of a tattletale phone app

Nobody likes a tattletale. Especially not a smart-mouth, know-it-all electronic one. My auto insurance company recently convinced me to download an app for my phone to score my driving and maybe earn a policy discount for being wonderful. Do you remember when you almost messed up and a ...

I’ll make a note as soon as I find a pen that writes

My hand hovered over the mug. Would today be the day I won the lottery? My fingertips brushed past blue, green and yellow before pinching the red one. Yes, let’s try the red one today. I tugged the red ink pen out of the jam-packed coffee mug. Clicked it. Tried to write. I pushed harder through a swirl of circles. The nib tore through the notepad, but spilled no ink. “Another dud,” I muttered. “How is it that I possess hundreds of pens, none of which work?” I jammed the dead and dried ink stick back into the crowded mug. “Oh. Yeah. That’s why.” I sighed and ...

Are you all thumbs? Science says sure, why not?

Whenever I’m feeling down, I can always count on scientific research to cheer me up. You never know what crazy things researchers will try next. They have the minds of mischievous 3-year-olds. And they get paid to play. For example, scientific researchers, through actual studies and ...

These lazy days require dedication and a pillow

Once again, I discover that I am well above average. According to a new study, Americans require 60 lazy days a year to feel rested and relaxed. Sixty? Only 60? Ha! I can be lazy 160 days a year. Probably even 360. Why not the full 365? Because sometimes due to circumstances beyond my ...