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Patty Kimerer

Don’t let January take away the holiday joy

Well, that’s it. It’s all over, done. Terminado. Kaput. Finito. Sigh. You know how, toward the end of “A Christmas Story,” Ralphie laments how the Bumpus Hounds robbed the Parkers not only of Christmas dinner but also so much more after they burst into the kitchen and devoured — or ...

If 2020 was a house, it would be condemned

Nah nah nah nah, nah nah nah nah nah, hey HEYYYYYY, GOODBYE! I challenge you to find a single Homo sapien living on this big round ball who isn’t over the flipping moon that this year is ending. Show of hands? Yeah, that’s what I thought. Zippo. It would be so easy to 2020 all over the ...

Now come on, you all knew this was coming

You knew it was coming. Well, that is, if you’ve been reading the contents in this space with any consistency over the past ... oh, man, I’ve been blessed to be writing this little blurb for quite a while. How long? I’m pretty old and all ... Uh, lemme think. Let’s see now, Kyle was ...

Front teeth, check. Vacuum, you better check out

Sure, we’re all familiar with the classic song about the little feller, presumably recently visited by the Tooth Fairy, who just wants his two main incisors as a present this year. You know, Spike Jones & His City Slickers’ 1948 seasonal smash “All I Want for Christmas is My Two ...

Who needs sleep when you can have a son

Can you remember what you were doing 21 years ago right now? I can. I was just trying to get some sleep. I clearly remember spending the better part of the day simply seeking shut eye. I hadn’t snoozed in a year (almost), so I was tickled blue (wait for it) that a little catnip got pumped ...

Scary shopping season’s shocking sales start

There’s so much I’ve never understood about the utter insanity known as Black Friday shopping. First of all, why do they call it that? Hmm. I wasn’t certain, so I did a little digging. Apparently, it’s widely attributed to the notion that retailers use the date to slash their ...