My mouth watered for a supper of spaghetti and meatballs. Then tragedy struck. The microwave oven conked out. I was horrified. Terrified. Even a bit stupefied. What was I supposed to do now? Cook? Who even remembers the recipe for boiling water on a stove? I’d had the microwave for only ...

I scrolled across a meme that stated: “I’m not afraid of aging — just stairs, tiny print and chairs that sit too low.” Aging has to be about the weirdest adventure I’ve ever experienced. Roller coasters were the most upsetting, frightening and stomach tickling, but aging is coming ...

All I wanted to do was pay my bill. That’s it. I bought a service. I owed money. I intended to pay. Remember the old days when you could walk into a place and hand them cash or you could write a check and send it in the mail? Anymore, you need an advanced computer degree from MIT just to ...

I think it’s the hearing aid ads cluttering my mailbox that annoy me the most. The hearing aid cartel must figure I wouldn’t catch what they’re saying if they advertised on TV, but if I tilt my bifocals just right, and they print it in large enough letters, I might be able to see what ...

Growing up, I knew that just about the worst possible career choice would be princess. Beautiful princesses were always getting kidnapped by dragons or poisoned by wicked stepmothers, hopelessly lost in the woods or having their castle stolen. The only career choice worse than princess ...

Today, my cultured friends, we shall mix some grace and refinement into the proceedings. By which I mean, I shall recite some elegant poetry. Ready? Here goes. Roses are red, Violets are blue; My fish are my favorites, But you’re OK, too. Ah, poetry, the language of romance. If ...