I really didn’t want anyone to know this, frankly. In fact, there is really quite a bit of regret in the admission of the sordidness of it all, to be honest.

Shameful sigh.

But the truth is, I’ve been watching You. Not you. But YOU. You know? Maybe ya don’t, yo.

Hmm.

The You to whom I refer is Joe.

As in, Joe Goldberg, the main character / antagonist / cutie patootie / psychopath in the Netflix megahit entitled (please tell me saw this coming) “You.”

To try to explain this ultra-complex narrative would be impossible in this space. Here’s my ol’ college try, Reader’s Digest-esque version of an abbreviated abridgment:

Based on books written by Caroline Kepnes, the series (now in its third season) is a bonafide, old-fashioned psychological thriller sadly telling the story of Joe Goldberg, a NYC-based bookstore manager who meets and immediately becomes completely consumed with winning over Guinevere Beck.

Beck (as all her pals refer to her) is an up-and-coming writer who wanders into the web, er, store in search of literary inspiration.

His perverse pursuit of her favor is formidably fed through masterful use of social media to follow her –to be more precise, her every move. But only in, like, each waking moment of his life.

Brilliant but broken, Joe “monitors” Beck allowing him to both win her over and smooth over obstacles threatening their “true love.” They include a crappy crackhead cheating boyfriend and an egotistical BFF who hates Joe, in whom she senses something seriously sick.

Anyhoo, the poor guy has no choice but to try to “save” Beck from them, a’ight?

OK, fine, he kills them both. This he does by employing the most warped, cruel and totally twisted techniques, BT dubs. So, he’s a serial killer. Whatever.

Did I mention that he was brutalized in his youth? Or that Beck was two-timing him for money from some sugar daddy? Or that BFF Peach is an off-the-charts obnoxious, man-eating wretch? #SheHadItComing.

At some point, these victims are so annoying I’m glad to see them go.

Take “Halloween Kills” brute Jason Voorhes. Eventually, I’m like, “Dude, stick a fireplace poker through her noggin already!”

Back to Joe Goldberg. His overall rootability soars because he not only nails narration hilariously but also, let’s face it, Joe, aka Penn Badgely, is flipping drop dead gorgeous. Pun intended.

Frankly, I think it all started with Frankenstein’s monster, who, thanks to his sicko surgeon, was half human and half monster. Heck, aren’t we all?

Meh.

I also admit to connective compassion during “Phantom of the Opera” — especially the Gerard Butler interpretation. The face on that super suave Scott? Yes, please. Well, at least the exposed half.

Then there’s my lust for Marvel universe anti-hero Loki, who, like The Terminator and Darth Vader before him, ended up being good — mostly.

I’m just sayin’ that Loki is played by the impossibly handsome and, by all accounts, super-nice real-life human Tom Hiddleston is a thing. Be still my heart. Which is the ghoulish goal, I guess.

Even the man of my motion picture dreams, the most recent incarnation of Iron Man, started out as a partying, womanizing louse who was, er, a pretty big jerk face. But he reformed to the point of absolute awesomeness. That’s partly because he saved the world in “Avengers” and mostly because of my IRL obsession for Robert Downey Jr.

Not gonna lie, I could be his Joe Goldberg, capisce?

• Kimerer is a columnist tracking RDJ’s every move. Track progress at www.patriciakimerer.com.