Too many social media arguments feel like dancing with the wrong person during “Stairway to Heaven.”

If you grew up when I did and where I did, every dance you went to in middle school and high school ended with Led Zeppelin’s “Stairway to Heaven.” I definitely wasn’t a regular at school dances, but I found myself at enough of them to discover a few truisms.

I’m sure if you were with someone you wanted to be with and who wanted to be with you, nothing could be greater than being on the dance floor when the DJ spun the most omnipresent rock song of the ’70s.

If that wasn’t the case, it was a nightmare for two reasons.

First, it’s a really, really long song. The official running time is 8 minutes and 2 seconds, but with the wrong dance partner it can make “In a Gadda Da Vida” feel like a Ramones song.

Second, there’s a point where it quits being a slow dance song. Awkwardly swaying from side to side and trying not to step on your partner’s feet while Robert Plant is singing about that lady who’s sure all that glitters is gold or bustles in hedgegrows is all fine and good. But if you weren’t tongue wrestling by the time Jimmy Page’s guitar solo kicks in about 15 seconds before the 6-minute mark, the rest of the dance is this Bataan death march of discomfort as you mentally juggle such conflicting thoughts as, “Do we keep dancing like this is a slow song?” “Do we acknowledge the change in music and alter our pace?”

The only ones still having a good time at the end, when Plant starts screaming about winding down the road, were the ones who were oblivious to everyone else around them and had, to put it delicately, moved well beyond just kissing.

Everyone else stumbles off the dance floor with varying levels of regret.

That’s how I feel when I let myself get pulled into a social media argument.

I generally treat social media posts like campaign signs in a neighbor’s yard. If I don’t agree with it, I don’t scrawl my opinions on top of it.

If someone posts something I think is stupid, I ignore it.

If I find it offensive, I’ll unfollow the person so I don’t see their ignorance anymore.

If it’s really bad, I’ll unfriend them.

However, when someone posts their ignorance on my page, I don’t always follow my own advice.

You start out engaging with someone you like — or at least thought you did — hoping to make a connection, find a common bond. We used to get along great when we talked face to face on a regular basis.

But we were nearly 40 years younger when we talked face to face. I’m not the same person I was 40 years ago; neither is he. And I don’t need to wait for the Page guitar solo to know it isn’t going to get any better.

This isn’t the 8-minute, 2-second version of “Stairway to Heaven” on “ZOSO.” This is some live bootleg version and the other person is droning on like a John Bonham drum solo. We’ve entered into internet equivalent to the nearly 27-minute version of “Dazed and Confused” on “The Song Remains the Same.”

This will go on forever until it ends badly.

It’s always good to know when to leave the dance floor.

Sometimes, it’s better to stay along the gym wall and skip the song entirely.

I need to remember that.

Andy Gray is the entertainment editor of Ticket. Write to him at agray@tribtoday.com.