This week has been one of the hardest for me to put words together. Usually, I sit down to write whatever is sitting at the top of my mind. That’s my rhythm — it keeps things honest and real. But what’s been on my mind lately isn’t easy. In fact, I don’t even like it. Still, I believe in showing up, so I’m going to do my best to put into words what’s swirling inside.

There’s been so much conversation lately around children and behavior. Whether we want to admit it or not, what we’re witnessing isn’t new. It has been happening for generations — long before me, long before you — whether or not past generations want to own up to it. And I get it: I wouldn’t want to admit it either. Admitting it means holding a mirror to ourselves, to our communities and to the adults who were supposed to protect children then and now.

Because that’s the truth — whether they’re our children directly or not, every single one of us carries some responsibility for the well-being of kids. And generation after generation, adults have fallen short. We’ve all watched a documentary or read a story that made our stomachs turn, revealing the ugliest of offenses against those who never should have had to carry that pain.

Now, I don’t have all the answers, but I do carry opinions — some rooted in my own perspective, some informed by what sociology and research tell us. For instance, I’ve read studies suggesting that if consequences are structured in a way where even innocent kids share in them, it creates a ripple effect. Those “innocent kids” may become more likely to speak up, to step in and to change the course of behavior next time.

Some compare it to mandatory drug testing in schools. It gives kids an easy “out,” a reason to say no when peer pressure is heavy. You could call it a form of preventative care.

I believe there’s truth in that. Because no school — no matter how “good” — is immune from students making inexplicable, heartbreaking choices. And the same can be said for adults: not all of us will make the right decisions either. I’ll also admit this — I write these words from a safe position. It’s always easier to have an opinion from the outside looking in. But that doesn’t make my hope any less real: that something good can be born out of something so painful.

Here’s what I see when I look closer: the impact stretches wide. Beyond one incident. Beyond one group. Beyond one generation. What I also see is that the children who’ve inflicted pain are still children. My heart breaks for them too. I hope they can somehow come to understand that they can still be incredible human beings. That is in their control — even if the adults around them planted rotten soil. I pray that this doesn’t become their forever story, but instead, something that — through the pain — pushes them to become better, stronger, more compassionate people.

And just as much as my heart aches for them, it aches for the children who were the victims. They should never have had to endure the weight of such harm. Their courage, their resilience and the scars they now carry deserve acknowledgment. Their lives were altered by choices they did not make, and the road ahead for them will not be easy. They, too, deserve every ounce of support, love and protection from the adults around them. They, too, deserve the reminder that they are not defined by what was done to them.

But I’ll be clear: saying “this has always happened” is not an excuse. It’s not a way to soften the blow.

It’s unacceptable. Being a parent, being a teacher, being anyone entrusted with a child is one of the most prestigious, most difficult jobs on earth. And it demands more of us. It always has.

So from me to you: may we stop brushing the hard truths aside. May we take seriously the responsibility of protecting children, both directly and indirectly. And may we hold onto the hope that even out of the most difficult stories, healing and change can still grow.

And if you’re someone who likes to dig a little deeper, here are a few studies worth exploring:

Collective vs. Individual Punishment in Children (2024, PNAS Nexus) – explores how even young kids (ages 4-7) perceive group vs. individual consequences and what that means for fairness and responsibility.

School Climate and Bystander Intervention (Frontiers in Psychology, 2020) – shows how trust in teachers and supportive environments increase the chances students will step in when harm is happening.

Collective Efficacy Theory (Sampson, Raudenbush, & Earls, 1997) – a landmark study connecting community-wide shared responsibility with lower crime and more protective behavior.

Because knowledge matters, but action matters more.

Mother, author, entrepreneur and founder of Dandelion-Inc, Lisa Resnick wants to hear your story. Share memories with her by emailing lisa@dandelion-inc.com.