DEAR ANNIE: I’ve read plenty about empty-nest depression and how to cope with it, and I managed that stage just fine. I enjoyed my grandchildren and watched them grow into teenagers. But now I’m struggling with something different: how to handle the emptiness of the holidays.

I have two sons. One has always made sure I get time with his family. The other is married to a woman who insists they spend Christmas with her mother across the country. As a result, my husband and I are left alone for the holiday. I’ve suggested they visit a week early and then go on their trip, but it’s always “work, schedules,” and the conversation ends there.

Year after year, I find myself feeling disappointed and heartsick during the Christmas season. Is this simply how life looks now? Do adult children not realize how much this hurts? I don’t have many years left, and the loneliness weighs on me.

• Alone in North Carolin

DEAR ALONE: You’re not wrong to feel disappointed. Holidays are emotional landmarks, and when longstanding traditions change, it can be hard to swallow.

What is in your control is how you shape the season for yourself. If one son reliably makes time for you, treasure that. For the other, set reasonable expectations — perhaps a scheduled video call or a visit at another time of year when their schedules allow. Holidays don’t have to fall on a particular date to be meaningful.

In the meantime, widen your circle. Invite a friend or neighbor to share a meal. Volunteer somewhere that needs an extra pair of hands. Create traditions that don’t depend on anyone else’s plans.

DEAR ANNIE: My older sister, “Jan,” who is nine years older than I am, has a long history of trying to sabotage my life in truly hurtful ways. When our mother died in 2015, something happened that I have never been able to move past.

One day, I went to see our mom — who lived across the street from Jan — and my sister called and told me to stop by her house first. When I arrived, she said Mom had been taken to the ER and that I shouldn’t go to Mom’s house. I reached for my phone to call the hospital, but Jan grabbed it and insisted that Mom had said she didn’t want any visitors. So I didn’t go. A few weeks later, Mom died. I’ve lived with the painful belief that she thought I had intentionally avoided her that day.

After Mom passed, Jan threw away photographs of my late husband that were in Mom’s house and refused to let me retrieve anything of sentimental value. My anger toward her has only grown, especially because extended family members still blame me for not going to see Mom that day. I want to tell them the truth about what Jan did, but I’m not sure if that’s the right step. Any advice?

• Still Hurting

DEAR STILL HURTING: You’ve been carrying a load of guilt that doesn’t belong to you. You acted on the information your sister gave you, and if that information was false, the fault is hers — not yours.

If correcting the story will bring you peace, tell your relatives the simple truth: You were told your mother didn’t want visitors. Whether the family chooses to believe it is out of your hands.

As for Jan, keep your expectations low and your distance reasonable. Remember, your love for your mother isn’t measured by one heartbreaking day.

Follow Annie Lane on Instagram at @dearannieofficial. Send your questions for Annie Lane to dearannie@creators.com.