A basket full of sudsy quotes to fold on laundry day

Burt's Eye View

My boxer shorts went on public display.

“They did not,” my wife retorted. “It’s called a clothesline.”

Oh, yeah, what I meant to say is that Terry uses advanced solar and wind technology to dry our laundry. Terry is a big proponent of finding environmentally conscious solutions to energy-guzzling problems.

“I’m a big proponent of you getting around to fixing the dryer,” she said.

“But it’s easier to keep socks from escaping the wash when they’re clipped to the clothesline.”

She unpinned sheets flapping in the breeze. “Get over here and help me fold these clothes.”

Of course, I couldn’t. I had this column to write. “But you gave me a great idea,” I said.

“About fixing the dryer?”

“No, a column topic. Laundry is such a tedious task that I bet can tumble onto a basket full of silly quotes about washing clothes.”

And so I did. While Terry hangs another load on the line, here are observations spun by the great philosophers and meme masters that I found while cycling through the internet.

• “Marriage is about the most expensive way for the average man to get laundry done.” — Burt Reynolds

• “When I said ‘I do’ I didn’t mean the laundry.” — anonymous (but I have some good guesses)

• “I have a couple of guys to do my laundry. Just because I’m lazy and rich.” — Kid Rock

• “Maybe a good rule in life is never become too important to do your own laundry.” — Barry Sanders

• “It’s better to have loved and lost than to have to do 40 pounds of laundry a week.” — Laurence J. Peter

• “Alexa, do the laundry.” — anonymous

• “How to win at adulting — Get the laundry into the dryer before it smells like mildew.” — anonymous

• “I’ve buried a lot of my laundry in the back yard.” — Phyllis Diller

• “Laundry today or naked tomorrow!” — anonymous

• “Have you noticed that if you leave the laundry in the hamper long enough, it’s ready to wear again?” — Elayne Boosler

• “Sometimes you might feel like no one’s there for you, but you know who’s ALWAYS there for you? Laundry. Laundry will always be there for you.” — anonymous

• “Laundry — 30 minutes to wash. 45 minutes to dry. Seven to 10 days to put away.” — anonymous

• “Clothes that are too clean for the closet but not dirty enough to wash live on the chair.” — anonymous (but it could have been me in my college dorm room)

• “My laundry method is simple: If it’s clean, it’s on the floor; if it’s dirty, it’s on the floor over there.” — anonymous (but see above)

• “I wish my bank account filled up as fast as my laundry basket.” — anonymous

• “Now they show you how detergents take out bloodstains, a pretty violent image there. I think if you’ve got a T-shirt with a bloodstain all over it, maybe laundry isn’t your biggest problem. Maybe you should get rid of the body before you do the wash.” — Jerry Seinfeld

• “Laundry — the never-ending story,” — anonymous

• “Laundry — wash, dry, fold, repeat.” — anonymous

• “Learn to put your troubles in your pocket, then leave them there when you do your laundry.” — John Avery

• It’ll all come out in the wash at burtseyeview@tribtoday.com, the Burton W. Cole page on Facebook or www.burtonwcole.com.


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