Readers submit jokes for humor therapy
Burt's Eye View
Once again, happy National Humor Month. Last week, I regaled you with granddad jokes (I’m too old to qualify for dad jokes), then invited you to send in your own to share.
National Humor Month was established in April 1976 to promote the therapeutic value of humor. After the last 13 or 14 months of pandemic, politics, puerility and pugnaciousness, we’re overdue for a picnic of painless and punny therapy.
Side effects of this shot of silliness include stress relief, better blood pressure, a greater immune system and lessened depression and anxiety. As Proverbs 17:22 prescribes: “A cheerful heart is good medicine.”
So here’s what the doctors of comedy in our community ordered. A few acts of silliness were submitted over the past week, plus I’ve been collecting wisecracks from readers for years.
Why don’t you ever see elephants hiding in trees? Because they’re so good at it!
• Gary Wakeford
Why didn’t Bach compose the Messiah? He couldn’t Handel it!
• Cheryl Trost
Why did the egg cross the road? Because it wasn’t chicken!
• Scott Brauer, Poland
Longtime contributor Joke Lady Marcie Danyi of Niles kept the road-crossing jokes going:
Why did the cow cross the road? To get to the udder side.
Why did the rooster cross the road? To prove it wasn’t chicken.
Why did the horse cross the road? To visit his neigh-borhood.
Why did the farmer cross the road? To get all of his animals back.
I read years ago in a diver magazine that “experience is the best teacher. Preferably someone else’s.”
• Robert Lowe, Girard, scuba diver
A friend tells me he thinks it’s great that in my seventh decade of life I can still score my age at golf. This year, he wants me to play 18 holes instead of nine. Don’t know where he got that, but as it is occasionally the truth, it’s funny.
• Jim Cartwright
Here are a few weird words for your collection:
Destinasia: The action of walking into a room and forgetting why you walked into it in the first place.
Sweatworm: The cording that gets lost in the waistband of your sweatpants; very annoying.
• Signed: schneidley
And here are a few more from the Joke Lady Marcie Danyi’s collection:
What do you call a fake noodle? An impasta.
Making dinner in a slow cooker involves two of my favorite things — food and panicking that I’ve left an appliance on for seven hours.
Mother: “You ate all the cookies and your sister got none. What does that tell you?”
4-year-old: “I won!”
What did the farmer get when he crossed an owl and a goat? A hootinanny.
Overheard: “You think I can’t live without you? Who do you think you are — my phone charger?”
“My ancestry goes all the way back to Alexander the Great,” one society lady bragged. “How far does your family go back?”
“I don’t know,” a second lady replied. “All of our records were lost in the flood.”
• Have some more good medicine to cheer the heart? Send them to Cole at email@example.com or on the Burton W. Cole page on Faceook, or find him at www.burtonw cole.com.