Let’s get ready to laugh — or groan
Burt's Eye View
Hey, it’s National Humor Month! Let’s celebrate with grins and giggles — or possibly with corny groaners.
Author and humorist Larry Wilde founded National Humor Month in April 1976 to bring public awareness to the therapeutic value of humor. And really, after 2020, we need a couple truckloads of therapeutic humor. Call it a vaccine without the needle.
Research shows that laughter relieves stress, increases blood flow, relaxes muscles, boosts heart rate, lowers blood pressure, increases oxygen and releases all kinds of feel-good endorphins, which are like teeny, tiny inner-dolphins frolicking in your brain.
In the long term, just like chocolate (only cheaper), laughter improves the immune system, relieves pain and lessens depression and anxiety.
See, jokes are nothing to laugh at. Uh, I mean, like Frosted Flakes, guffaws are gr-r-reat!
As Proverbs 17:22 says: “A cheerful heart is good medicine, but a crushed spirit dries up the bones.”
If your bones are a bit arid, let’s cheer up each other with good medicine. Email me at firstname.lastname@example.org with your favorite quips, jokes and puns so we can share them in the next column. But remember, this is a family newspaper, so silly is good; salty is not.
I’ll start. Don’t worry, you’ll get no “dad jokes” from me. Nope. I’m a grandpa — so here are a few collected granddad jokes.
• When my wife told me to stop impersonating a flamingo, I just had to put my foot down.
• After dinner, my wife asked if I could clear the table. I needed a running start, but I made it!
• What do you call a group of unorganized cats? A cat-astrophe.
• Why don’t they play poker in the jungle? Too many cheetahs.
• A child asked his father, “How were people born?” His father replied, “Adam and Eve made babies, then their babies became adults and made babies, and so on.”
Then the child asked his mother, who answered, “We were monkeys; then we evolved to become like we are now.”
The child ran back to his father and said, “You lied to me!”
Dad shook his head. “No, your mom was talking about her side of the family.”
• How did the hipster burn his tongue? He drank Starbucks before it was cool.
• What kind of tea is hard to swallow? Reality.
• What do you call the wife of a hippie? A Mississippi.
• I took my daughter to the office on Take Your Kid to Work Day. As we walked around, she started sobbing. I asked her what was wrong. As my co-workers gathered round, she wailed, “Daddy, where are all the clowns that you said work with you?”
• What do you call a boring dinosaur? A dino-snore.
• To whoever stole my copy of Microsoft Office, I will find you. You have my Word.
• Why shouldn’t you write with a broken pencil? Because it’s pointless.
• If athletes get athlete’s foot what do elves get? Mistletoes.
• I met some chess players in a hotel lobby. They kept bragging about how good they were. It was chess nuts boasting in an open foyer.
• What do you call an alligator in a vest? An in-vest-igator.
• What do Kermit the Frog and Attila the Hun have in common? They both have the same middle name.
• Send your favorite jokes to Cole at email@example.com or by mail to 240 Franklin St. SE, Warren OH 44483 by noon Thursday and let’s keep National Humor Month rolling.