Pig pushes pandemic to pandemonium
Burt's Eye View
In England, a pig pooped out a pedometer, which plunged four pens into flames.
In North Wales, a gang of goats roams a seaside town. Peacocks parade along streets in Spain while pigeons promenade along the streets in San Juan, Puerto Rico.
Mobs of monkeys have scampered into homes and even palaces in Thailand and India.
Coyotes have been photographed at the Golden Gate Bridge in San Francisco and outside Dodger Stadium in Los Angeles.
Suddenly, that maddening mouse that keeps eating the bait without triggering the trap in my house doesn’t seem so bad compared to mounting reports of animals retaking the wild kingdom.
It’s not like I have drunken elephants on my front lawn.
Yep. According to a March report in Live Science, a herd of elephants drained vats of corn wine in the village of Wunnan, China, and two of the massive beasts passed out in a tea garden.
Elephants are noted boozers, Indian Forest Service officer Parveen Kaswan said. In his country, villagers bury their homemade sauce to keep it safe, but elephants root it out. Then they mark the house — I don’t want to know how — so that they can return later and see if the cache has been restocked, he said.
Maybe the craftsmen could curtail the elephants by staring them down.
Researchers in Cornwall — apparently bored out of their skulls — left bags of fried potatoes out to tempt herring seagulls. When the researchers stared at the birds, the gulls acted as if they didn’t care about some silly old snacks. But if they weren’t watched, the gulls grabbed the goodies and gobbled them.
It’s better than being served falling iguana-cicles. As if Florida didn’t have enough trouble, a cold snap on Jan. 21 froze the iguanas, which then tumbled out of trees. The green iguanas that have invaded southern Florida can grow to be 5 feet long and weigh up to 17 pounds.
NPR reported that once, a guy gathered up a mess of frozen iguanas and chucked them in his car. But the reptiles weren’t dead. Once they warmed up and shook off the torpor, the guy had a car full of lizards running around everywhere, which caused an accident.
Which brings us back to the pig and the pedometer.
A pig on a farm near Leeds in Yorkshire, Great Britain, swallowed a pedometer that one of its penmates wore to demonstrate that the animals were free range, the BBC reported. After the pedometer, uh, exited the porker on March 7, copper in the battery sparked the dried hay and pig manure.
There have been reports in recent years of lithium-ion batteries in personal devices spontaneously combusting, according to Live Science. This was the first to do so after moving through a porcine digestive tract.
The fire spread over more than 800 square feet of the farm before being stopped, according to news reports. None of the pork bellies were fried, grilled or otherwise barbecued in the fire.
So during this pandemic, if you have to stay home to stay safe, keep an eye on your pets and pedometers. They may be plotting mischief at this very minute.
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