November is coming: Get ready to cook for pets
Burt's Eye View
Coconut, if you’re reading this, this answer is no.
Tomorrow, Monday, Nov. 1 is Cook for Your Pets Day, according to the calendar of weird and wacky holidays that no one asked for. I might microwave her canned cat food a few seconds while zapping my can of pork and beans.
Just because someone fabricated a special day and inked it on the calendar doesn’t obligate me to play along with that or any of these other offbeat celebrations set for November.
● Nov. 1 — Extra Mile Day and Calzone Day. So walk another mile to the Italian eatery. Share that with your pet.
● Nov. 2 –Fill Our Staplers Day and Cookie Monster’s Day. Don’t mix up the chocolate chip and the staples.
● Nov. 3 — Cliche Day. I bet that goes over like a lead balloon.
● Nov. 4 — Easy-Bake Oven Day and Use Your Common Sense Day. Common sense tells me I’ll bake a bigger batch of cookies in the big oven.
● Nov. 5 — Men Make Dinner Day and Tsunami Awareness Day. Is the point to place two natural disasters together?
● Nov. 6 — Nachos Day and Saxophone Day. Eat salsa, then play it.
● Nov. 7 — Pumpkin Destruction Day. I thought that happened on Oct. 31 with the soaped up windows.
● Nov. 8 — Abet and Aid Punsters Day. Hey, bad puns are how eye roll.
● Nov. 9 — Chaos Never Dies Day. Maybe it can take a holiday.
● Nov. 10 — International Accounting Day. Time to add up all the singles stashed in the sock drawer.
● Nov. 11 — Origami Day. When you’re done reading this newspaper, fold it into a paper elephant.
● Nov. 12 — Fancy Rat and Mouse Day, and French Dip Day. I don’t care if it’s French, onion or ranch, it’s a no from me.
● Nov. 13 — World Kindness Day. As Elvis said, don’t be cruel.
● Nov. 14 — Pickle Day and Spicy Guacamole Day. I don’t like this combo any better than fancy rats with dip.
● Nov. 15 — Clean Out Your Refrigerator Day and Little Red Wagon Day. Tote away!
● Nov. 16 — Button Day. I hope Mom still keeps her mismatched button jar.
● Nov. 17 — Unfriend Day and Take a Hike Day. No, YOU take a hike!
● Nov. 18 — Push-button Phone Day. I’m a rotary dial man, myself.
● Nov. 19 — Have a Bad Day Day and World Toilet Day. Let’s flush this day.
● Nov. 20 — Peanut Butter Fudge Day. After yesterday’s bad day, we need this.
● Nov. 21 — International Games Day. Chess anyone? How about Chutes and Ladders?
● Nov. 22 — Mother Goose Parade Day. I get to be Old King Cole!
● Nov. 23 — Eat a Cranberry Day. Nope.
● Nov. 24 — Celebrate Your Unique Talent Day. If it’s playing “Yankee Doodle” on your armpits, please don’t.
● Nov. 25 — Blase Day. Meh. Must have eaten too much turkey today.
● Nov. 26 — Buy Nothing Day. On Black Friday, no less!
● Nov. 27 — Pie in the Face Day. It’s probably the last of the pumpkin.
● Nov. 28 — Make Your Own Head Day. Get out the Play-Doh.
● Nov. 29 — Chia Pet Day. Can you make your own head in chia?
● Nov. 30 — Stay Home Because You’re Well Day. After these celebrations, it’ll be hard to prove that you’re well.
Have a happy, wacky November.
• Celebrate with Cole at firstname.lastname@example.org or www.burtonwcole.com