Apparently, old chicks get crabby about stuff

October 19, 2019

After glancing down the other day, it occurred to me the life I’d known to that point, had ceased to exist. There they were. Live, in Technicolor and unmistakable — my grandma’s ankles. Gulp. I’m not sure why, but I remember what they looked like. Strange. I just recall looking at my tiny Grandma one day (I bet she never weighed more than a buck and change), seeing her bony, vein-riddled ankles and thinking, “Aw, poor little old Grammi! Those must hurt!” Turns out, she may not have been as old as I thought she was back then ... and by the by, yes, yes they do. ...

When the wrong word goes in the right ear

October 6, 2019

Do you remember The Fixx? They were a London-based new wave band — well, new back in the early 1980s, anyway. Oh, and when I say new wave, I’m not necessarily referring to their hair, although I could be, clearly. Those boys had bangs you could land a 747 on, I tell ya. In fact, only Mike Score of fellow punk / sci-fi / alternative band A Flock of Seagulls had more tempestuous tresses. His mixed-up mullet, which hung headlong down the front of his face, was the obvious inspiration for the band’s name since an entire herd of birds could easily nest there undetected for an ...

Out of all nicknames to be called, mom is best

September 29, 2019

I’ve been called many things in my life. Several of which are unfit to print … or even post to social media … or speak in front of your priest. But that was mostly when I was little and sparring with my sister, Gina. Okay fine, when I was getting whooped on by her, whatever. Poh-TAY-toh, poh-TOT-toh. And during those sessions it wasn’t anything completely vile so much as it was, kid mean. You know, the typical silly-fight name-calling type of thing: jerk face; dummy; dog breath; piff brain; air head. Yes, though my given name is Patricia I’ve beheld many nicknames in my ...

PK: The apparent homo sapien whisperer

September 22, 2019

I’m good with the people stuff, as it were. No, I’m not bragging. I’ve never thought that was a very good look. Tooting one’s own horn = bad form, egotistic, patently rude and just kinda icky. Now, if I’m gushing about the sheer wonderfulness that is my child, well, that’s another matter entirely. I suppose we proud moms tend to get obnoxious from time to time. We’re sorry. Especially cause it’s not stoppin’ us any time soon. Or ever. I digress. Anybody who knows me will tell ya, PK is a big fan of the other humans. I dig ’em. I smile at them for no ...

Kimerers have been standing in lines for 129 years

September 8, 2019

Remember that “Seinfeld” episode when Jerry rented a car at the airport but, upon trying to pick it up, was told, “There aren’t any cars. We ran out.” Jerry built an entire schtick about how anyone can TAKE a reservation, but it’s really the HOLDING of the reservation that’s the key ingredient in the recipe. And last Sunday, my mom and I had a Seinfeld-esque moment when I drove her to the bakery to pick up the cake she’d ordered several days prior. She was told her confections would be boxed and ready to travel at noon. So, we walked in at 12:03 p.m. and immediately ...

Celebrating Memorial, Er, I mean Labor Day

August 31, 2019

Well, clearly, I am in denial. If I’ve done it once, I’ve done it two dozen times. In fact, during the course of the weekly e-bulletin I write at my day job, I did it thrice. THREE TIMES in a single newsletter! Yep. Just as I do every year around this time, I keep accidentally referring to Labor Day as Memorial Day. Oops. It’s not that Memorial Day shouldn’t be commemorated every single day of the year in honor of our military members who gave the ultimate sacrifice for our freedom. And it’s not that Labor Day isn’t an important occasion for us to come together as a ...