Some days, I’m just weird.

Actually, those who know me well might argue that it’s my constant state — but I’ve pretty much sworn them all to secrecy.

So, go ahead and move along, because there’s nothing to see here since, you know, “These aren’t the droids you’re looking for,” yo.

What can I say? I’m a child of the 1980s. The occasional “Star Wars” reference is bound to rear its alien head from time to time, you dig?

Anyhoo, my odd side got me to wondering about unusual options when it comes to culinary crossroads, so I did what any inquiring mind would do — I conducted a blind internet search on some sorta strange supper situations.

I typed the question, “What’s the weirdest food you’ve ever eaten?” into my browser and here’s the text that popped up from an unidentified author on www.tingly.com:

“For me, it was a plate of deep-fried ants as an appetizer, washed down with plenty of Chang.” That last bit is a wine with very low alcohol content.

Um, this is BLECH times 140 billion — give or take a billion, capisce?

My good peeps, in my research, I unearthed some the most absolutely outrageous options that curious conjurers might concoct, clearly.

Here are some of the more unusual foods listed on the site — and you can be certain that your old pal PK took the editorial discretionary move to remove several of the more ostensibly off-putting options, okay?

SHUDDER.

Roadkill, yes indeed, the very sort you’ve passed on the freeway and which I, for one, dread the thought that someone might plate.

YYYYUUUUUCCCKKKK!!!!!!!

Apparently, a former British civil servant called Arthur Boyt made a habit of pulling his car over every time he saw a dead animal on the road, and cooking it for his dinner when he got home. In 50 years of doing so, he claims he never got ill once, even when the meat was “green with age.”

Just, ew.

Not to be outdone, how about a batch of fried tarantulas?

Most people would, at the first mention of a tarantula on the table, run for the hills. Like, for real.

But apparently in Cambodia, they are often deep fried and served with a chili and lime dressing.

Nope, no way, huh-uh, thanks anyway but hex to the NO!

Another gross course in what I can only describe as a nightmare feast that would absolutely, definitely freak me out is a Korean delicacy called Sannakji — it’s live octopus. That’s an octopus that’s, you know, not yet dearly departed.

It seems that Korean chefs chop it up, and while the tentacles are still moving, then quicky serve it flat out. Or sideways — or horizontally, er, or however you consume food that can literally jump off the kitchen table unassisted.

It kind of gives a whole new meaning to the phrase “fresh seafood,” no?

Yikes and ick!

There was one final submission that can easily claim to be the weirdest choice of all: Tong Zi Dan, a Chinese delicacy usually found only in the province of Dongyang, in the east of the country. These are boiled chicken eggs.

What they are boiled in is so disgusting I refuse to address it in my space. Use your wildest imagination and multiply it by a bazillion.

Let’s just say you’d be best off to opt for takeout Kung Pow Chicken from the nearest Chinese restaurant instead, capisce?

Sheesh!

Kimerer is a columnist currently curbing cravings for Chinese. Check in with alternative dinner suggestions at pkimerer@zoomint ernet.net.