“The world is lurching from one global catastrophe to the next. But, as they have for millennia, people are adapting to instability by switching between four responses: fight, flight, focus and freeze.”

That happy news is the makeshift mission statement of some allegedly big-brained researchers at an online advice company called www.accenture.com.

And I’m here to say they’re right. And wrong.

Their four core tenets, and my meager attempt to either validate or vaporize them, are as follows:

No. 1: Fight — People will increasingly raise their voices against injustices.

YES. I so want to believe that there is more good than bad in the world. I mean, think about it — newspapers wouldn’t offer the ramblings of kooky, quirky dorks such as me to write for them consistently if they weren’t helmed by folks with at least a mediocre sense of humor, no?

The editor who originally caved to my demands, er, I mean offered me a slot in the space weekly is actually a pretty funny guy. In fact, that’s his first name, though I do always refer to him as “DOOOOOOOODE!” That would be “dude” in human speak.

Look, here’s the story I’m gluing to myself, as it were: If you’re not opening doors for strangers, shaking hands with your pew-mates at church, blessing co-workers’ sneezes, and generally being kind to the other Homo sapiens walking erectly on this big blue rock of ours, I don’t wanna know you, capisce?

Hmpf.

No. 2: Flight — People will look for alternative options. Seems a little counter to point numero uno but whatever.

I’m going to put my typical PK (or as my sister likes to call me “Patty Pollyanna Pants”) spin on it. In my world, at least, this means we seek positive solutions for, you know, the people problems.

Think thank-you notes and office birthday parties, et al.

No. 3: Focus — People will cope by focusing on what they can control.

Look, people, there’s a reason I CHOOSE to forget about real life by watching the “Real Housewives” franchise of shows. Yes, there is now a version in Atlanta, New York, New Jersey, Beverly Hills, Orange County, Miami and the greater D.C. / Potomac region. That’s a whole lotta fake real, you dig?

Hi, my name is Patty and I’m a “Real Housewives” addict.

But what I mean to say about these “ladies” is they get around — in more ways than one, my friends. But that’s the beauty of being the keeper of the remote, no?

I digress.

No. 4: Freeze — People will switch off entirely.

Well, it’s really kinda true. Bruce Springsteen was really onto something with that whole, “10th Avenue Freezeout” situation.

Some people withhold speaking to others as a means to an end, but in the end, that’s just mean.

Anyhoo…

Here’s another, courtesy of yours truly and tossed in for good measure.

PK will always try to make the other third-rock dwellers laugh… or at least conjure a toothy grin.

Kimerer is a columnist who will come to your house and tickle you if sufficiently provoked. Tell her what day would be convenient for such at pkimerer@zoominternet.net.