Here we are, kicking off a brand-new year. Brand-new. Hmm.

As opposed to what, old new? Or are we stamping time the way we do cattle these days?

I know, I know, new year, same old silly PK. Hey, I’m nothing if not consistent, my peeps!

Now, it actually took me quite a while to settle on a topic for this old spot of mine this first day of January 2023. Because, believe it or not, writing is actually — work. There, I said it.

I know what you’re thinking. It’s not like rocket science or brain surgery or any of the other really, really important stuff into which those big-brained Homo sapiens tend to dive headlong.

OK, for the first digression of ’23, why do we say headlong? Are we really going around measuring the sizes of peoples’ heads? Or is it just a saying that derived from some ancient tribal ritual involving knocking noggins together like coconuts?

Maybe it’s got something to do with that old hairstyle trend, the “beehive,” which made women’s countenances roughly four times higher than normal? Or perhaps men could ostensibly lengthen their general, collective head length, in part, by growing ZZ Top-like beards to their bellies?

Hmpf.

It seemed worthy of a peek into the Merriam-Webster dictionary, so, you know, I poked, you know, around. Here’s what the wordy wordsmiths over at that worldwide wonder of a wisdom source of many a who, what, why and sometimes where typed answers whipped up:

“Headlong is an adverb meaning head-long (I swear, this is how it read!) … or headfirst ‘without deliberation: recklessly i.e., rushing headlong into danger, without pause or delay.”

It continued: “Headlong may also be used as an adjective, as in archaic, steep, precipitous; lacking in calmness or restraint; a headlong torrent of emotion often described as plunging headfirst.”

Congratulations Mr. Merriam and Mr. Webster — at least I’m guessing both are gentlemen, though I can’t outrightly confirm it — mainly because definitions for the said definers were about as deliberate a description as a doodle. Not to mention rather redundant.

I’m pretty sure you can’t use a word to accurately describe itself? Sorta like explaining an evergreen tree as one that’s ever green, no? Grrr.

Back to the matter at hand, which I’ve decided should be resolutions — you know, those promises you make to yourself that are broken faster than the Christmas bows that are still lying around your living room floor.

This year, let’s do ourselves a favor and make those vows something doable such as putting garments on before leaving the house or closing our eyes while sleeping. OK, fine, pursuits are a bit trivial (get it?), but I feel they genuinely should be realistic and attainable goals, preferably ones that benefit the other humans — you know, something as simple but kind as opening a door for someone or paying for the order of the car behind you in a fast-food drive through lane of a restaurant.

Or maybe even suggesting this column to your pals as your favorite part of the Sunday paper.

Happy New Year, everyone!

Kimerer is a columnist who was only half kidding about the shameless column plug. Send her your annual promises to yourself at pkimerer@zoominternet.net.