PK pounces on signs — and puns — of the times

I know I’ve mentioned it previously, but it may not be as easy as you think to come up with cute story ideas. In fact, some days, I’m just looking for a sign, capisce?

Well, lo and behold, I stumbled upon a website called BoredPanda — and I actually physically could not prevent myself from clicking.

I mean, it’s not every day you spot a big old white-and-black bear in the wild just lazing along, phoning it in. Listen, humans, they have important cows, er, beefs of their own with which to contend, a’ight?

After all, two of the most classic of those age-old questions include the following: “Do bees bee? Do bears bear?” I’d have to respond as such to both: Well, duh.

Anyhoo, back to the sign that I found, a good sign pointing me in the precise direction of, you guessed it, super silly and “guaranteed to make you guffaw” signs.

Here’s what that fur-and-growl inspired site had to offer the average nonbear:

1 — “You can choose not to wear a mask. But then you will be asked to remove all other items of clothing to enter. It’s all about choices. Thank you, the management of MeWow.” As a dog lover, I’d say this one is a little bit ruff.

2 — “I want to be 14 again and ruin my life differently. I have ideas.” Hmm. Fourteen wasn’t particularly kind to old PK, but I would DEFINITELY say yes to a redo of my 30s if I was so offered.

3 — “Driver carries the following only: Five dollars in change; 11 cabbages; three photos of his pet ferret, Daniel; two Shrek pinatas; seven Spice Girls cassette tapes; one grudge against his father.” Yikers, a little TMI crabby cabbie.

4 — On an Arby’s restaurant sign after a driver mistakenly crashed through the front window a day prior: “Yes, we are open. Please park outside.”

5 — Circling a photo of a pistol: “Never mind the dog, beware of the owner!” Now there’s a friendly greeting if ever I heard one! Wonder what the welcome mat reads? Probably, “Walk right in, maybe for the last time.”

6 — In the front yard of a residence: “Free Weeds. Pull Your Own!” Nice. Talk about two birds and one stone, right?

7 — Not to get political but this one nearly broke my funny bone: “Dinosaurs didn’t have vaccines and look at them now!”

8 — “Teenagers: Tired of being harassed by your parents? Act now! Move out, get a job and pay your own bills while you still know everything!” This one was cleverly posted near a rural high school campus.

9 — This one was on a sandwich board outside a local coffee shop: “Small coffee = $5. Small coffee, please = $3. Hello! I’d like to order one small coffee, please and thanks” = $1.75.” Who says manners are out of style?

10 — I think this one says it all. It’s a wooden sign embedded on a wood base at (presumably) one of most sweeping, spectacular views of the Grand Canyon: “Ooooh Ahhhhh Point.” Even the good Lord might chuckle at our marvel of His handiwork, methinks.

And just to throw in a last one courtesy of yours truly and meant to be posted at your local Dunkin’ Donuts: “PK — Will work for coffee.”

Kimerer is a columnist with a serious caffeine issue. Send her DD gift cards to pkimerer@zoominternet.net.


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