While Patty Kimerer is on leave, we present this Classic Kimerer column originally published Nov. 9, 2003:

Have you ever noticed how many things we say in everyday conversation that we truly do not mean?

I was thinking about that after I received a telephone call meant for someone else. “I’m sorry, there’s no Mark here; I think you have the wrong number,” I politely told the stranger.

Why did I say that? With no contempt intended toward the Marks of the world, I’m not particularly sorry that there isn’t one living in my house. Moreover, I don’t think that the caller dialed the wrong number when he reached me. I’m certain of it.

It got me to thinking about all the little axioms we spew regularly that are bogus.

“See ya later,” is a good one.

I can’t count how many times I’ve said this not only when I have no intention of actually viewing the person in question, but when it is sometimes logistically impossible.

For instance, I said it to my mother at the end of a late-night phone call to her while I was in New York city a few months ago.

“I love you, Mom, I’ll see you later,” I said, clicking my cellphone off. Then I immediately thought, ‘Oh, well, not unless I suddenly turn into Samantha from ‘Bewitched’ and crinkle my nose to get there.’

Never is “see you later” more ridiculous than during the course of cyber speak. And yes, I have typed it. I’ve also typed, “Talk to you later,” in email. We are communicating, chatting, connecting, conversing or even bonding when we e-mail one another, but unless you’ve got extremely sophisticated interactive audio capabilities hooked up to your PC or laptop, we aren’t talking.

“If I have to listen to that whining for one more second, my head will explode.”

I’m famous for this wild exaggeration, or variations of it. I can just see the puzzled medical examiner now. “Gee, don’t know what happened to this one. … Oh, wait a minute, here it is. Yep, her ‘whine-tolerance button’ is blown to smithereens.”

“I am so exhausted, I could fall asleep standing up.” It would make for some speedy bed-making the following morning, so maybe we should work on transforming that one into reality.

How about the things we tell our children?

“If you keep frowning, your face could stay that way forever.” In the history of cryogenics, I’m pretty sure the actions that led to freezing a specimen were never officially, “because he was making a face his father didn’t appreciate.”

“Stop complaining. When I was a kid we WALKED to school — for miles — even in a foot of snow.” I may be old, but I’m not that old.

“If I have to tell you two to stop fighting one more time, I will never bring you to the mall again, ever.” Children may be young, but they learn very quickly how to differentiate between an idle threat and one with validity, such as, “Keep it up and you lose your Game Boy for the rest of the weekend.”

But the kids should know, that one about mothers having eyes on the backs of their heads; totally true.

I’ll see, er, catch you later.

You literally can find Kimerer at pkimerer@zoominternet.net.