Despite kooky trends, ’80s music still rocks

People often ask me if it’s difficult to come up with a subject matter to write about every single week.

Sheesh, peshwa and tsk!

I mean, to even suggest that a hip, cool, inquisitive, environmentally conscience, in-the-know, well-informed, seasoned writer who just happens to be mom of the coolest kid on the planet actually struggles to find topics. … Oh, come now, do I really strike y’all as someone who’s grasping for straws at her content?

Don’t be silly, my peeps. In fact, even hinting such makes me laugh: hee, hee, hee!

Well, hee, hee, at least.

Hmpf. Fine, just hee.

What? I’m supposed to admit that sometimes it actually takes me longer to come up with a theme than to physically write out the whole danged column?

Hard gulp.

Well, I mean, there are sometimes when, er, I suppose … it’s … well … true.

There! Are you happy now?

Sorry. Can you tell it took me like, a week to come up with today’s topic? Sigh.

Anyhoo, without any further ado, the issue in question is: kooky 1980s clothing.

Listen, I’m not necessarily proud of it, but my generation produced some odd threads, yo.

A few cases in point include:

・ Baggy pants — Remember MC Hammer’s video’s y’all? Yikes! Stop. New pants time.

・ Big hair — Sure, for some of us, that’s just our lot in life. However, back in the day, most girls (and some guys) paid a ton of money to have foul-smelling liquid applied to their scalps, followed by a quick session of wrapping every strand around skinny curlers. An hour later, voila! We had more curls than Richard Simmons, yo.

・ Leg warmers — Um, this is one I never succumbed to because, you know, they’re stupid. I mean, whether I’m running outdoors or working out at the gym, apparently back then, my calves were at risk for frostbite?

・ Mullets — Don’t tell my heart, my achy-breaky heart, that Billy Ray Cyrus, while quite cute, look absolutely ridiculous in his ’80s heyday. At least Miley didn’t follow THAT closely in daddy’s footsteps. Whew.

・ Puff sleeves — I refuse to even admit how many such shirts I had. Moving on.

・ Tractor trek sole boots — Not only did I NOT fall victim to this craze but I am seriously disturbed to report that it has endured to the present day. I always twitch when I see lovely young gals in sweet summer dresses tromping along in those monstrosities.

・ Wide-length pants — It was sort of our modified version of bell bottoms, yes?

・ Ripped stockings — As long as I live, I will never, ever understand any woman whose hose are punctured purposefully? I try everything to avoid this then, now and always, a’ight?

・ Clear plastic jeans — I can’t even. Just no, this is wrong on every level, period.

Now, if you’ll excuse me, I’ve got some stone-washed, high-waisted jeans to cram myself into. What can I say? I’m a child of the ’80s. Besides, they’ll come back — everything does eventually.

Kimerer is a columnist busy jamming to Def Leppard’s arguably best album, 1987’s “Hysteria.” Contact her for lyrics of any Lep song at pkimerer@zoominternet.net.


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