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Christmas every day instead of Groundhog Day

It’s taken all this time, but they’ve finally taken hold.

My quarantine quirks have officially become habits.

According to the wellness site “Healthline,” “it can take anywhere from 18 to 254 days for a person to form a new habit and an average of 66 days for a new behavior to become automatic.”

Sixty-six days. Hmm. Well, since we’ve been casa contained for the past, um, 87 years or so, I feel that I can pronounce them Pattyisms heretofore.

I find myself worrying that I may have trouble readjusting to a tangibly social, post-pandemic society given the following irritating practices I have developed since becoming a relative recluse.

FALLING ON MY FACE. Er, falling down on making sure my face is presentable, that is. It’s become an unfortunate fact that I tend to plop down in front of my computer and hit the ground running early each morn, fresh from the shower. Now, while I’m fully clothed and coiffed and 80 percent presentable in terms of attire — my tired eyes are not necessarily camera-ready, capisce?

Yep, COVID-19 and its related stressors have made my already horrendous sleep patterns entirely erratic. Ergo, there are mornings when these peepers need de-puffed. So, on the days I jump headlong into projects pre-pampering (like, most of ’em), I may or may not turn my camera off for the first few moments of an 8 a.m. meeting.

What am I going to do back in the office: stand outside the conference room shouting input whilst furiously applying coverup with a compact in one hand and eyeliner in the other until such time that I’m respectable? Hmm…. at least the mask will save me from rouge responsibilities.

PUMPING OUT PRODUCTIVITY. Some feel it’s a blessing, some feel it’s a curse. I think it’s the best thing EVER to have work right here at your fingertips, 24/7. Inspiration strikes? BAM! Forgot to send an email during the day and can’t sleep at 3 a.m.? BAM! Behind on a project and don’t mind simultaneously eating, typing and restructuring a spreadsheet? BAM! I mean, how am I gonna get half of that done if I have to like, drive to the office and back in between tasks — and not like, sleep there and stuff?

Did I mention how much I miss my kid?

CELEBRATING CHRISTMAS DAILY. Oh, I’m sorry. That was really unclear. While it IS my fave time of year and I’d love nothing more than to have life be one long Christmas Day (as opposed to Groundhog Day, thanks COVID), I am referring to my online shopping addiction.

I don’t mean addiction really. OK, yes, yes I do.

The whole not-going-to-the-store thing was a nightmare at first. And then, like most of the rest of humanity, I learned that you can pretty much order anything and everything you need (within reason) online for home delivery.

Groceries, toiletries, clothing, textbooks, meals, candles, appliances, cutlery, iPhone screens, dog treats, prescriptions, and even automobiles. No, of course I didn’t — yet.

Anywho, every time a box comes, it’s like opening a present on Christmas morning! Even though you already know what’s in there. … you are Santa, AND all his elves … and sometimes there’s an upcharge; sorta like getting a gift COD. Bah humbug.

Oh well, at least I’ve made some good friends with Santa’s sleigh team, aka my new buddies from Amazon, Fed-Ex, UPS and the good old USPS.

Maybe they’ll swing by to visit me at the office, too?

Kimerer is a columnist who thinks she may be unfit for the future. Tell her she’s okay at www.patriciakimerer.com

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