×

If November were a candy, it would be a Sour Patch Kid

The irony is not lost on me, November. You erratic, inconsistent, tricky, slippery little bugger you.

There is hardly a more contrary, divergent month than the 11th, my friends.

If November was a comedian, he’d be Don Rickles.

You remember Don Rickles — he was a pioneer in the realm of sarcastic comedy. Many of his insults were and remain legendary. Rickles was so funny and you’d invariably find yourself cracking up at his jokes — even though they always came at the expense of someone’s feeling. So while you were amused and entertained, you also didn’t necessarily feel good about it, if you know what I mean.

Yeah, that’s November, all right. I like to think of it as the Sour Patch Kids of the calendar year, yo.

I’m sure you’ve seen the commercials where the candies come to life and do some horrible, awful thing then redeem themselves through an act of kindness.

For instance, in one spot, they tie a tuxedo-clad boy holding a corsage to a bus stop bench by his pony tail so he’ll miss his ride to the big dance. But then they send him a limo so he can make it to the prom, after all — even though he must take the bench with him, you dig? Half good, sorta nice, kinda swell. But not quite.

Indeed, those “first they’re sour, then they’re sweet” little critters are evocative of rotten, unpredictable, beautiful, heart-warming, all-over-the-place November. I mean, is it friend or foe?

Who can deny its cold, stinging rain and those nearly barren trees that have long since shed their brilliant orange, red and yellow foliage? In fact, all that remains of the once dazzling colors are crispy brown leaves which either litter your yard or trip you like a banana peel as they scatter the wet pavement. They get me EVERY year. #ImAKlutz

Grrr. And brrrr. And Hmpf.

Dumb old November with its ridiculous, dirty end-of-daylight-saving-time trick that makes sunrise so late and sunset so early. Ugh. It’s like giving your circadian rhythm a hangover for four months. Blech.

And just when you’re ready to write November off as second worst after drear-filled January; it shows its softer side.

Like a random sun-soaked day perfect for decorating the outside of the house for you-know-what next month.#Most WonderfulTimeOfTheYear

Or the 547 new scents of candles Bath & Body Works unveils every November. Mmmmm.

Let’s not forget it’s Prostate Cancer Awareness Month. I’m all for anything that brings research, attention, and money to the cause of ending that nasty disease. Besides, I love me some scruffy facial hair on the gentlemen. #Movember

Then there’s the big November Daddy of ’em all: Thanksgiving — and with all that good, gourmet grub comes the official holidays kickoff. (NO, HALL-OWEEN IS NOT A HOLIDAY. Sorry to my pals Ashlea and Jodi. Wink and hugs.)

There’s that extended Thanksgiving break when I get to see Kyle Kimerer for about seven extra minutes; the annual running of all my favorite Thanksgiving episodes of “Friends” and of course the online shopping deals on Black Friday / Cyber Monday (I refuse to shop on Thanksgiving or the day after in actual stores — terrifying), not to mention the community vibe of Small Business Saturday. Support your own, a’ight?

All that, plus listening to Christmas music and watching the Hallmark channel’s “Countdown to Christmas” with far less judgment? OK, November, we cool.

Besides, at least you ain’t January.

Kimerer is thankful for so much — especially her pop. Check out all the other peeps and stuff that make her “One Grateful Girl” at www.patricia kimerer.com