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Everything I need to know, Elle Woods taught me

Everything I need to know, I learned from “Legally Blonde.”

Well, not really.

To be fair, I’ve gone down this path before with some of my OTHER all-time fave flicks, including, “Moonstruck,” “Shawshank Redemption” and “Shrek.”

Yes, “Shrek.” It’s surprisingly insightful; only an ogre would disagree. Either way.

“Legally Blonde” may not be my actual life road map but it’s certainly a handy compass in a pinch.

I do LOVE this film to the point of watching it EVERY SINGLE TIME I come across a broadcast of it on some random cable network. In case you’re a recluse who’s been living 20,000 leagues under — well, anything — for the past few decades, here’s the gist:

“Legally Blonde” is a 2001 comedy starring Reese Witherspoon as the beautiful but jilted Elle Woods who follows her college boyfriend, the ostentatious Warner Huntington III, to Harvard. After they earn their undergrad degrees, Warner (a governor’s son and political hopeful) informs Elle that, while they’ve been having fun for the past four years, it’s time for him to get serious about his future. BT dubs, it will not be including the buxom blonde.

Devastated, she sets out to win him back by proving she’s “good enough” for his blue-blood, snobbish, high-society New England family. She works hard, is accepted into Harvard herself and tries to prove her worth to the undeserving jerkface, who’s already moved on with an ice princess from his family’s elitist circle, Vivian Kensington.

Hilarity ensues, of course, as do some great messages.

Appearances are just that. Sure, Warner’s handsome, charming and refined, but it certainly doesn’t make him a stand-up guy. Yes, Elle’s gorgeous and perky and always perfectly pink, yet that doesn’t mean she’s not smart. Also, just because their professor’s client looks guilty of murdering her rich, much-older-than-she husband, doesn’t necessarily mean she did. Book covers never tell the whole story, yo.

Don’t chase after someone who rejects you, especially if he / she is a complete bonehead. If someone acts like — or worse, flat out tells you — they don’t care about you, BELIEVE THEM and move on. Now. End of discussion.

If you work hard enough, you’ll accomplish greatness. Everyone is shocked when party-girl Elle buckles down to study for the Law School Admission Test. But she’s determined and passes. Even after she is admitted, folks doubt her. Upon seeing her in Boston, Warner says: “You got into Harvard Law?” Her reply is classic: “What? Like it’s hard?” Addendum to this rule: Don’t let someone else’s lack of confidence in you shake your own.

Stand by your convictions. When all hope seems lost for Elle and Warner’s professor’s client, Brooke Taylor-Windham (an aerobics guru on trial for murdering her hubby), she stands by the defendant’s claim of not guilty. She knows Brooke from taking her classes and believes in her heart that Brooke’s innocent.

She will not be dissuaded and rationalizes, “Exercise gives people endorphins. Endorphins make you happy. Happy people don’t shoot their husbands; they just don’t.” Makes sense to me.

Don’t ever let anyone take your dog away from you. EVER. That’s all I have to say about that.

Have faith. In addressing her Harvard graduating class, Elle advises them to “Have faith in people but most importantly, you must always have faith in yourself.” Word.

P.S. A PK life lesson? Have true FAITH — you know, in the Big Guy. His book is a solid reference guide, capisce?

Kimerer is a local columnist who’s old and can’t master the “bend and snap” but encourages you to check out her perky insights at www.patriciakimerer .com