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DEAR ANNIE: I'm starting to wonder if headphones have gone out of style. Last week, I was sitting in a doctor's waiting room when a woman across from me put her phone on speaker and had a very loud, very personal conversation for nearly 20 minutes. Everyone in the room could hear about her sister, her husband and what sounded like an argument over money. No one said anything, but several of us exchanged looks.
A few days later, I was at the nail salon hoping for a little peace and quiet, and another customer was watching videos at full volume. Between the music, the commentary and the occasional burst of laughter from her phone, it felt more like sitting in her living room than a salon.
I'm not expecting complete silence in public. People talk, phones ring and life happens. But I also don't want to know the details of a stranger's marriage or hear someone's entire TikTok feed while I'm getting a manicure.
I was raised to believe that being in public means being considerate of the people around you. Is it rude to politely ask someone to lower the volume or use headphones, or have I officially become the cranky lady everyone avoids in the waiting room?
-- Craving a Little Quiet
DEAR CRAVING: No, you are not the cranky lady in the waiting room. You are simply someone who remembers that public space belongs to the public.
It is perfectly reasonable to say, politely, "Would you mind lowering the volume a little?" The key is the way you ask. A little kindness usually gets you farther than a dirty look ever will.
DEAR ANNIE: My mother is in her late 70s and lives alone. She is still independent in many ways, but I can tell she is lonely. She complains that the house is too quiet, says no one calls enough and often tells me there is "nothing to do." At the same time, whenever I suggest ways she could meet people or get out more, she refuses.
I have offered to help her find a senior center, a book club, exercise classes, volunteer opportunities and even a few social groups nearby. Her answer is always the same: "That's not for me." She does not want a companion, does not want to move and does not want anyone "fussing over her."
The hard part is that I feel guilty. I work, have my own family and cannot be her entire social life. I call often and visit as much as I can, but I still worry about her sitting alone day after day.
How do you help someone who is clearly lonely but rejects every suggestion you make? I want to be a good daughter, but I am beginning to realize that I cannot force her to accept a life she says she does not want.
-- Worried Daughter
DEAR WORRIED: You can open the door, but you cannot make your mother walk through it. Keep inviting her, keep calling and keep offering small, low-pressure options. But don't make yourself responsible for fixing all of her loneliness. You can lead a horse to water, but you can't force them to drink. Sometimes the kindest thing we can do is stay connected without trying to control the outcome.
Send your questions for Annie Lane to dearannie@creators.com.