DEAR ANNIE: My children are trying to move me into assisted living, and I feel like I’m being slowly erased.

I am in my early 80s, and I still live in the home where I raised my kids. It is not fancy, but it is mine. I know every creaky stair. I know which window sticks in the winter. I have neighbors who check in on me, a routine that keeps me grounded and a life that feels familiar and dignified.

Here is the part that makes me feel misunderstood. Last Sunday, I hosted what I have hosted for years, coffee and banana bread after church. Nothing glamorous. Just a few neighbors at my kitchen table, laughing about the weather and trading leftovers like it is currency. My granddaughter came by later and sat on the same stool she used to climb onto as a little girl, swinging her feet and telling me about her life. When she left, she hugged me and said, “Grandma, your house smells like you.” I cried after she drove away, not because I was sad but because I felt rich in the only way that matters.

My kids see it differently. They say they are worried about my safety, and they point to things like a small fall I had last year, my driving at night and the fact that I sometimes forget where I put my keys. They have started sending me links to places, calling them “communities,” and talking about “the next chapter.” They make it sound like a spa. I hear the end of my independence.

They also keep bringing up how much easier it would be on them. That part hurts. I love my children, but I do not want to make decisions out of guilt. I have told them I am not ready, and they respond by getting more insistent. One of them even suggested they could step in if I refuse, which made me feel panicked and furious.

I am not denying that I am aging. I am just saying I want a voice in how I do it. How do I stand my ground without blowing up my family, and how do I make them understand that keeping my home is not stubbornness, it is my life?

• Not Ready to Be Put Away

DEAR NOT READY: Your children are speaking the language of fear, and you are speaking the language of home. Both are real.

Meet them in the middle with a plan that protects your independence instead of surrendering it. Tell them that you are willing to address safety right now. Offer specific steps: a medical checkup, a driving evaluation, a fall prevention plan, grab bars and better lighting, a daily check-in system, and a hired helper for errands or housekeeping, if that would ease everyone’s mind. Put it in writing with clear benchmarks, such as, “If I fall again,” or “If my doctor says I cannot safely live alone,” then you will revisit assisted living.

Also, be direct. Say, “I want your support, not a campaign.” They can worry without taking the steering wheel.

Independence is not proved by refusing help. It is proved by choosing the right help at the right time. Make choices. Do not make promises under pressure.

“Out of Bounds: Estrangement, Boundaries and the Search for Forgiveness” is out now! Annie Lane’s third anthology is for anyone who has lived with anger, estrangement or the deep ache of being wronged — because forgiveness isn’t for them. It’s for you. Visit http://www.creatorspublishing.com for more information. Follow Annie Lane on Instagram at @dearannieofficial. Send your questions for Annie Lane to dearannie@creators.com.