“My life has no meaning, no purpose,” I said. “I’ve been meaning to tell you, clean out your car,” my wife said. “What’s the purpose of all those receipts, napkins and batteries all over the floor?” I shook my head. “I’ve never done anything that makes people whisper, ...
I rocked my easy chair up a smidge so that I could brush Pop-Tart crumbs off my belly. I didn’t want the strawberry filling to stain my favorite T-shirt, the one that proclaims: “Please don’t interrupt me while I’m ignoring you.” I cued another hand of spider solitaire on the laptop ...
I’m fed up to the tippy-top of my mask (which I don’t wear because, you know, no place to go) with people ranting dire directions and worrisome warnings at me. I need wisdom — mixed thoroughly with wit and whimsy. I need insights from the great philosophers of the ages, such as Groucho ...
Great people contemplate lofty concepts, complex equations and thoughtful immensities. Me, I ponder why I’m stuck with such an embarrassing dragon name. Scrolling through the social media posts a couple days ago when I should have been working, I happened upon these instructions: “Your ...
In England, a pig pooped out a pedometer, which plunged four pens into flames. In North Wales, a gang of goats roams a seaside town. Peacocks parade along streets in Spain while pigeons promenade along the streets in San Juan, Puerto Rico. Mobs of monkeys have scampered into homes and even ...
I’ll say this about pandemic life — a strange new pestilence of ads and scams have pelted my email inbox. I’ve been smacked with so many offers for face masks resembling the hankies that the bandits wore in the old Westerns that you’d think I was planning to hold up the stage coach at ...
