Welcome to January, the month of empty pockets, icy roads, and freshly made / freshly broken promises. January, as one meme described it, is the worst month. “You’re fat and broke from the holidays, paler than ever, and you can’t feel your own face when you walk outside.” It’s the ...
In Saudi Arabia this month, more than 40 beauty contestant were sent packing from the annual King Abdulaziz Camel Festival for sporting Botox injections, face-lifts and other cheater-cheater-pumpkin-eater artificial enhancements. Yep, camels. According to an Associated Press report, “Authorities discovered dozens of breeders had stretched out the lips and noses of camels, used hormones to boost the beasts’ muscles, injected camels’ heads and lips with Botox to make them bigger, inflated body parts with rubber bands and used fillers to relax their faces.” I’d never considered ...
For every distasteful task and unpleasant chore, Dad assured us that “it builds character.” “The whole pig pen? You want us to shovel and scrape all the muck and gunk down the cement? Why? They’re just going to mess it up again.” “Mucking hogs builds character,” Dad said. I ...
Here’s what I’m getting you for Christmas: one sturdy piece of cardboard; one bottle of Elmer’s glue; one can of gold spray paint; and one box of elbow macaroni. Merry Christmas! It’s a rooster. Or a pig. Or a cow. Or whatever macaroni critter or creation your little crafter’s heart ...
Editor’s note: A little bug bothered Burt this week, so while he’s home taking a nap, we present this Cole Clasic originally published May 20, 1997. Use it as Christmas shopping advice. I believe the single, greatest gift my mother instilled in me was her philosophy for life, which can ...
In fits of forced boredom, I used to ponder that age-old question of if a tree fell in the forest, and there was no one there to hear it, does it make a sound? Or if a man speaks in a forest and there’s no woman there to hear him, is he still wrong? Coughs and sniffles have kept me at ...
