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Burton Cole

Celebrate those crazy, hazy, zany days of June

Ah, June. School’s out, picnics are in and it’s Turkey Lovers Month. What could be better? Unless you’re a turkey and the lovers turn out to love a good turkey sandwich. Roll out those crazy, hazy, zany days of summer. Besides turkeys, June also marks Fight the Filthy Fly Month and Potty Training Awareness Month. It’s also World Naked Bike Ride Month, but just in the Northern Hemisphere. Yeah, I don’t think my naked southern hemisphere would appreciate bicycle seats I have known. June also boasts Carpenter Ant Awareness Week (I believe it’s when you house falls down ...

Cerebral flush or crammed cranium? Our ‘expert’ weighs in

I told you so! Not YOU specifically. Science. I called it in these very pages way back in 2012. It was the only thing that made sense. Sure, I was a little shaky the time that I insisted that the octopus is the spider of the sea. Maybe my plan to raise a breed of roof goats to keep moss ...

Socks, keys, our mind ­— some of our favorite things to lose

“I’m not a complete idiot,” the sign stated. “Some parts are missing.” The next sign over read: “If I had a dollar for everything I’ve lost… I’d probably lose that too.” Mankind’s most popular hobby just might be losing things. I had the statistics to confirm that ...

Baby boomers really don’t require an app for that

There were no YouTube tutorials to teach me how to drive a tractor. I had to learn the old-fashioned way — Dad yelling at me every time I popped the clutch, bucking him off the sputtering Farmall. Or maybe it was Dad who was sputtering. The main reason for the lack of video tutorials back ...

Motherhood — what a whacky way to make a living

It was Nia Vardalos who said, “Becoming a mom, to me, means you have accepted that for the next 16 years of your life, you will have a sticky purse.” Lynne Williams observed, “A mother need only step into the shower to be instantly reassured she is indispensable to every member of her ...

Pardon me, but I believe you’ve dropped your manners

I had invited her. She came. When it was time for her to leave, I stood, hugged her goodbye … then sat back down to finish eating my cake. Five days later, it finally occurred to me that the polite thing would have been to walk her to her car. And probably hold her door. And tell her how ...