Granddad leafs through his raked-up pile of autumn jokes
Hey, quick, tell me, if money actually grew on trees, what would everyon’e favorite season be? Fall, of course!
Oh, what do you get when your drop a pumpkin? Yep, squash.
You heard what happened when the turkey got into a fight, right? He got the stuffing knocked out of him.
As of 9:04 p.m. Thursday, fall fell upon us. We are in the autumn of our year when we rake up what the trees leaf behind. Back on the farm, it was gaining on time to harvest our field corn.
I’m feeling rather corny myself, today. I used to pen a column called “Cole’s Corny Corner” about 100 years ago for the student newspaper at Rowe Junior High School. The school closed years ago, but I’m still here, planting the corn.
I am, after all, not just a dad but a granddad. What’s a grandpa without granddad jokes? It’s fall, so let’s reap the harvest of granddad jokes, such as…
Why do birds fly south for the fall? It beats walking.
Why did the lions move at the end of summer? Because pride goes before the fall.
What do you call a guy who really loves autumn? The fall guy.
Why do trees keep trying new things? Because every fall, they turn over a new leaf. Or rather, let go of an old leaf.
Why does Humpty Dumpty love autumn? Because he had a great fall.
Why did the pumpkin lose the boxing match? He let his gourd down.
How do you fix a broken pumpkin? With a pumpkin patch.
What’s the ratio of a pumpkin’s circumference to its diameter? Pumpkin Pi.
Who helps pumpkins cross the road to school? The crossing gourd.
How did the confused squash identify? “I’m a corn.” (Acorn squash, that is.)
What do farmers wear to stay warm while picking pumpkins or apples? A har-vest.
How do you talk in the apple library? With your in-cider voice.
Why did the apple pie cry? Its peelings were hurt.
What reads and lives in apples? Bookworms.
What’s the only thing worse than finding a worm in your apple? Finding half a worm.
What month do trees hate? Sep-timberrrrr!
Why do trees hate going back to school in the fall? They’re easily stumped.
What did autumn say to summer? “Make like a tree and leave.”
What is it called when a tree takes time off from work in autumn? Paid leaf.
What is it called when a tree doesn’t think it’s autumn? Disbe-leaf.
Why did the tree worry that his leaves wouldn’t come back? He didn’t be-leaf in himself.
What do you call a large, colorful pile of leaves in Australia? The Great Barrier Leaf.
Why are trees considered carefree and easygoing? Because every fall, they let loose.
What was the charge against the tree that deserted the forest at the end of fall? Absent without leaves.
Why is it so easy to trick a leaf in autumn? They’ll fall for anything.
How do leaves travel? In autumn-mobiles.
How does an elephant get out of a tree? It sits on a leaf and waits until autumn.
Why was the robot couple’s anniversary in the fall? They were autumn-mated.
What is the cutest season of the year? Why, awwwtumn, of course.
When is the best time to stop telling fall-themed granddad jokes? Right now! Grandpa, out and leafing it alone.
Leaf your dad or granddad jokes with Cole at firstname.lastname@example.org, the Burton W. Cole page on Facebook or at burtonwcole.com.