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Procrastinators unite! — tomorrow

Burt’s Eye View

It was a lovely day and I was spending it productively, reading the big volume of Donald Duck comics I’d checked out of the library when — while turning a page on a very important storyline involving Uncle Scrooge — my eye caught sight of the calendar.

“Wait, what day is it? Oh, no — my column is due today!”

A great philosopher once said, “I put the pro in procrastinating.” I know the feeling.

So how do I get better? I suppose that depends on which direction you are aiming, pro or no.

I sought the advice of the great philosophers of the world, and this is what they told me:

“If it weren’t for the last minute, nothing would get done.” — Rita Mae Brown

“I’m going to stop putting things off, starting tomorrow!” — Sam Levenson

“Never put off till tomorrow what may be done the day after tomorrow just as well.” — Mark Twain

“If you are planning to do something today, don’t do it; you will have nothing to do tomorrow.” — Anonymous

“One of the greatest labor-saving inventions of today is tomorrow.” — Vincent T. Foss

“Procrastination always gives you something to look forward to.” — Joan Konner

“Tomorrow is often the busiest day of the week.” — Anonymous

“Procrastination isn’t the problem. It’s the solution. It’s the universe’s way of saying stop, slow down, you move too fast.” — Ellen DeGeneres

“I’m not procrastinating. I’m proactively delaying the implementation of the energy-intensive phase of the project until the enthusiasm factor is at its maximum effectiveness.” — Anonymous

“The best part about procrastination is that you are never bored, because you have all kinds of things that you should be doing.” — Anonymous

“Anyone can do any amount of work, provided it isn’t the work he is supposed to be doing at that moment.” — Robert Benchley

“There’s nothing to match curling up with a good book when there’s a repair job to be done around the house.” — Joe Ryan

“The time you enjoy wasting is not wasted time.” — Bertrand Russell

“Procrastinator? No. I save all my homework until the last minute because then I’ll be older, and therefore wiser.” — Anonymous

“My mother always told me I wouldn’t amount to anything because I procrastinate. I said, ‘Just wait.'” — Judy Tenuta

“Procrastination taught me how to do 30 minutes of work in eight hours and eight hours of work in 30 minutes.” — Anonymous

“Nothing says work efficiency like panic mode.” — Don Roff

“I’ve been looking over the list of spring chores I made up last fall, and darned if they aren’t fall chores, after all.” — Robert Brault

“I think of myself as something of a connoisseur of procrastination, creative and dogged in my approach to not getting things done.” — Susan Orlean

“The worst form of procrastination is reading a procrastination quote, feeling the guilt and not doing anything about it.” — Anonymous

That was fun. Now time to write my column — right after I finish this chapter of Donald being pestered by Chip and Dale while he’s trying to snooze in his hammock.

• Waste time with Cole at burtseyeview@tribtoday.com, the Burton W. Cole page on Facebook or www.burtonwcole.com.

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