Nostradamus stayed mum about this pandemic

October 4, 2020

Ahhhhh-tum. As in, don’t look now but autumn has reared it’s rustic orange head. And even though the air is chilling, the daylight’s dwindling and the leaves are super-nova-ing toward their collective final resting place (apparently, my kitchen floor?), little else seems typical about good old apple cider season this year. In fact, the 2020 version of autumn might literally require me to take Tums — and an extra-strength Tylenol or two, too. Sigh. It’s no surprise that fall is really, really well, weird this year. First there wasn’t going to be school. Then there was. ...

2020 is scary enough; let the kids have candy

September 27, 2020

I set off some spooky speak the other day by asking some pals: “Does anyone know if we’re still having trick or treating?” I unwittingly sparked a controversial candy convo in zero flat, as in the Zoom glares zapped my way were anything but Zen, ya dig? Suddenly, it was: “Of course there’s trick-or-treating!” “What are you insinuating?” “Why would they cancel it when the kids are already together in school?” “Wait, what? I don’t necessarily think they should…” I started to reply, to no avail. “I’m sorry but you’re WRONG, Patty! There ...

Christmas every day instead of Groundhog Day

September 20, 2020

It’s taken all this time, but they’ve finally taken hold. My quarantine quirks have officially become habits. According to the wellness site “Healthline,” “it can take anywhere from 18 to 254 days for a person to form a new habit and an average of 66 days for a new behavior to become automatic.” Sixty-six days. Hmm. Well, since we’ve been casa contained for the past, um, 87 years or so, I feel that I can pronounce them Pattyisms heretofore. I find myself worrying that I may have trouble readjusting to a tangibly social, post-pandemic society given the following ...

2020 needs to, like, take a chill pill right about now

September 13, 2020

Well, it was bound to happen. It is, after all, the worst year, like, out of all the years. OK, maybe not EVER in the history of people-kind. But it’s got to be up there in at least the top three or so. I mean, how can anyone deny that we have been truly living life on one gigantic hamster wheel of poo since March? By a show of hands, how many of y’all would like to go back to 2019 or earlier? OK, careful, don’t spill your coffee. Go ahead and lower your hands. It’s hard for me to type that way for very long, anyway. Ahem. A friend of mine recently posted a Facebook ...

Join the boycott against the despicable H-word

September 6, 2020

It’s the ugliest word in the English language. I realize that’s a fairly bold statement — especially from a self-proclaimed words girl. But let’s face it, there’s hardly a more offensive, explosive, dangerous and destructive word than “hate.” Sure, there are a gazillion other awful, unacceptable, absolutely despicable words out there. Shoot, I could create an entire dictionary of idioms, phrases, expressions and plain old nasty names that should never be uttered by any human. Anywhere. Ever. Or any other intelligent life forms, either. I must admit, the way some ...

Navigating a not-so-regular Ordinary Time

August 30, 2020

I’m just sitting here reflecting about how it is the 22nd Sunday in Ordinary Time. You know about Ordinary Time, right? I know I’ve discussed it previously, but as a refresher: Catholic Christians have our own cool calendar of seasons, yo. In fact, I’m pretty sure lots of JC fans, ...