Front teeth, check. Vacuum, you better check out

December 13, 2020

Sure, we’re all familiar with the classic song about the little feller, presumably recently visited by the Tooth Fairy, who just wants his two main incisors as a present this year. You know, Spike Jones & His City Slickers’ 1948 seasonal smash “All I Want for Christmas is My Two Front Teeth.” The song was written in 1944 by teacher Donald Gardner during a class at public schools in Smithtown, N.Y., where he taught music. Apparently, he’d asked his second-graders what they wanted for Christmas and noticed that almost all of the students had at least one front tooth missing ...

Who needs sleep when you can have a son

December 6, 2020

Can you remember what you were doing 21 years ago right now? I can. I was just trying to get some sleep. I clearly remember spending the better part of the day simply seeking shut eye. I hadn’t snoozed in a year (almost), so I was tickled blue (wait for it) that a little catnip got pumped ...

Scary shopping season’s shocking sales start

November 29, 2020

There’s so much I’ve never understood about the utter insanity known as Black Friday shopping. First of all, why do they call it that? Hmm. I wasn’t certain, so I did a little digging. Apparently, it’s widely attributed to the notion that retailers use the date to slash their ...

Take the time to thank all your lucky stars

November 22, 2020

We all know we should exude it. We’ve all heard it about a gazillion times. We understand that it is, without exception, the right thing to have. An attitude of gratitude. Hmm. This zippy little year called 2020 certainly has put the concept to the test, to be sure. For so many struggling with, well, the very essence of being, it’s one tall order. And yet, in everything, there is at least some small shred of appreciation to cling. Now more than ever, that slippery little sliver can be difficult to identify. But it’s there. Yes, there is suffering in abundance. ...

Despite coming second to last, November is great

November 15, 2020

November is pretty impressive for a month that comes in second to dead last, am I right? Lots of people like the 11th month best. Well, many people; okay, like four. This is probably because there are some undeniable detractors for the poor, put-upon month. For instance, this year it brought the most redonkulous primary Election Day since Dewey defeating Truman, yo. But other brutal characteristics are November’s earmark, as well. For instance, at least in this neck of the woods, it’s usually cold. And dark. Really dark. And it’s usually fairly dank most of the time, too. ...

PK’s trippin’ over love letter gone awry, yo

November 8, 2020

I’m not going to lie. I feel more beat up than a Philadelphia-based poll worker counting votes last Thursday afternoon, you dig? Oops, I’m sorry. I didn’t mean to slip in that “you dig.” In fact, the only thing I’m considering digging these days is a hole. A really big one. So I ...