It’s Valentine’s Day and you forgot again, didn’t you? She was expecting candy or flowers or a card or at least something. Boy, are you in trouble! Here’s some advice from your ol’ Uncle Burtie — tell her you left it right there on the steps. Of course, you’ll want to actually ...
“Why?” Laura asked. Her oldies — I mean “real music” — station had just played Elton John’s 1983 hit “I Guess That’s Why They Call it the Blues.” “Why is sadness associated with the color blue? Why not call it the grays if it has to be associated with a color?” Why ...
As I write this, wearing my mittens and three pairs of socks, the weather has warmed up to 14 degrees, with a feels-like factor of 4. Yes, you read that right: WARMED UP to 14. As an unnecessary reminder, water freezes at 32 degrees. So, if it was twice as warm outside, we still could turn ...
It wasn’t much of a snow — not for someone who grew up in the North Coast snow belt. Oh, sure, a swirling wind had drivers guessing whether they were still on the road — mundane stuff for northeast Ohio kids. I know that 16-year-old Burton would have been behind the wheel, adrenaline ...
My Uncle Tom was one of those annoying people who popped out of bed in the morning like a breakfast pastry from the toaster. Only instead of fruit filling, he was filled with energy and jokes, with an icing of a sunny smile and merriment in his eyes. I avoided Uncle Tom in the morning. To be fair, I avoid pretty much everyone in the morning, but I especially hide under the covers from Pop-Tart people. I want to slap them with soggy pancakes. It was the great philosopher Punit Ghadge who said, “Keep the dream alive: Hit the snooze button.” If it wasn’t for the fact that I have ...
This is the time of year when people get concerned about how much they’ve been feasting the last month — Thanksgiving, Christmas, New Year’s, Tuesday, etc. We’ve been packing it in and packing it on. Do not panic! There is no need to sign up for a gym membership. You weren’t going to go anyway. Nor is there any need to do something insane, like go on a diet. It’ll just make everyone around you miserable, because they’ll have to put up with your grouchiness. Let me remind you, it’s January. Winter. And adding a few pounds of protection simply is nature’s way of ...
