Published July 17, 2008
"Hello, Bertram, this is your chairman. Miss me yet?"
"Hey, chairman, where are you?"
"In Limbo. Story of my life! Reason I'm calling from wherever is to urge you to persuade my sons and daughters to drop their idea of having my body lie in state in the rotunda of the Mahoning County Courthouse. It's not that I object to being treated like a head of state, but I understand the kids are going to pay for use of the courthouse Sunday. I never paid for anything in that place."
"Was it your wish for your body to be put on public display, chairman?"
"Are you f------ crazy? Would I spend money on something like that? Here's what I want the kids to do: Take the money they are going to pay Mahoning County, and throw a huge party at one of my favorite watering holes. And to honor my memory every one should have a double shot of rum with a coke chaser. Now that would be paying homage to me."
"Ok, chairman, I'll see what I can do. By the way, stay out of the fire."