Published December 3, 2008
Now, Sunday night wasn't so great at my household. As I was making turkey pot pies to freeze, I observed my two year old daughter crawling up the stairs. I soon checked on her and she was angelically playing in her room with her books. She will sit for a good half hour “reading” and I figured I had 5 minutes to finish up. I could hear her talking books and then realized there was silence (never a good sign). It takes a few minutes for me to put the cooking knives away (I'm paranoid about her reach) and make the kitchen child-proof, wash my hands (from poultry) and go upstairs to check on the ominous silence.
All I could hear was water in the bathroom and her talking. As I walk into the bathroom, I saw her next to the sink trying to wash her hands (she has her potty she can stand upon). I turned on the light and see hand prints of red everywhere. Initially, I was freaked out about what caused the redness that looked like blood. She was looking at me in shock as I peered at her and the red that was all over her cheeks and mouth like a clown (aha, lipstick). She must have looked in the mirror at some point and realized that this wasn’t a good look which led to her being in the bathroom. It was sooo red (thank you MAC's Dubonney and Borghese lipsticks for your blood-like, staining pigmentations). She got into my lipsticks and it looked like a bloody scene out of Law & Order complete with red hand swipes down the wall, on the sink, on the toilet. She had bright red lipstick everywhere - on her face, neck, hands, feet, and her clothes! Then, I was freaked out about how to get it off her body and if her eczema prone skin would react.
Where to begin first? I plopped her in the tub, told her not to touch anything (her clothes, the walls, the tub, me), managed to get her clothes off (red everywhere) and I had to experiment with my soaps to see which one would remove the red evidence (the delicate Aveeno fragrance-free soap did not work). As I got red/pink off one area of her body, it would appear on another. As it washed off, the stains looked like she'd been beat and I thought "Oh Lord, what will daycare think?” I was covered in pink up to my elbows. The tub was pink (had to wash it twice during the bathing), the water was pink and I had to wash her 3 times before it all came off as well as soak her in an oatmeal bath to make sure her skin didn't react. I even found a pink stain on her neck on Monday. Fortunately, I remained calm (internally pissed but calm) and eerily quiet to her (which meant I was not the usual cheery mom playing with her in the tub), called my sister while my child soaked in an oatmeal bath to vent (she laughed and laughed and laughed). I was sure I missed a part somewhere on her body and that daycare would be thinking she was abused but she looked stain free for the most part. After her bath, I followed the red trail into my bedroom. Red lipstick stains were on my dresser, the drawers, on the containers housing my lipsticks (she tried to open my lip glosses but lipsticked hands are slippery) and on the carpeting. The crime scene was now complete. Thankfully, she stayed out of her pastel yellow and violet bedroom with white furniture or that would have really been a disaster.
I can laugh today but wasn't in a laughing mood when I caught her red handed (pun intended) Sunday night. She is a very curious and observant one but I guess she didn't understand that lipstick is only for the lips. I cleaned up the lipstick stains on the carpeting Monday night (I was too exhausted on Sunday and they were the least of my worries) which came out with a scrubbing sponge and OxyClean Stain Remover. Her clothing is in a pile in the basement and I don’t know where to begin with cleaning them. All I know is I better wear dish washing gloves to avoid staining my hands again. No, didn’t take any photos because I feared that if I ran downstairs to get the camera, she would follow me while touching the hallway walls or continue touching the rest of the upstairs with her red hands. All of this mess from just 2 lipsticks!
Aren't kids fun?
P.S. The turkey cook-off was a success. My bro perfectly fried his turkey (I made the pomegranate marinade) and I baked one with a pomegranate glaze stuffed with rosemary, thyme and oranges. Both were delicious in their own way. I made pot pies with the leftovers to freeze.