Shoot the messenger?


« Just Asking

by Kim Boccia   | 52 entries

Untitled document

(Response to last week’s question)

It’s interesting how so many can think something is totally wrong, yet keep doing it to save their own rear ends. Everyone from the hair dresser to the charity organizers say they think lying is inappropriate, but they still do it all the time.
Some of us try to say it’s because we don’t want to hurt feelings by telling the truth, but in the end, it’s to save our own hide. Personally, I’m going to tell little white lies to the school secretary until my kids graduate, because I am a chicken.

Just saying…


To tell or not to tell…

I try to keep involved with what my kids are doing and how they’re acting toward others. I always say that if I don’t know they’re doing something wrong, how can I teach or help them? It’s all about communication.
For example, your child is in elementary school and is caught looking at their classmate’s paper on more than one occasion. The teacher simply reprimands the child in school and doesn’t tell the parent. How is the parent supposed to help the child to be better prepared? If you don’t know the issue, then there is no issue. I know that some parents just don’t want to know, but I do.
So in turn, when I see that my daughter’s friend is getting in trouble or is getting a reputation with the other parents for some reason, should I tell their parent out of concern, or do I mind my own business?
I’ve seen way too many times where the messenger gets shot in these situations. Is that fair? My conscience says we need to help each other, but my gut says “don’t do it, save your own *#$“.
If someone came to me and told me they heard my daughter was doing something inappropriate (which would never happen, of course), I would hope that I would be able to say “thank you for caring enough to tell me“ and I’d look into it. Or would I be outraged that this person is accusing my child and never talk to them again?
So I ask you this — to tell or not to tell?

Just Asking…

(Kim is a mom of two in Poland and a 1987 grad of PSHS. She enjoys hearing from readers. Add your 2 cents on the topic at hand by emailing her at />