I received this from a friend:
"My mom is dying. If you pray, please pray for my mom..."
-from a friend my age.
We always think of how awful it is when young people lose their parents.
Someone loses mom when they were 6...someone loses their dad just before high school graduation.
The difficulty of losing a parent while one is young, must be awful - like being out in open water and losing your rudder...but, losing a parent when you're, well, into the so-called maturity of life, is hard, also.
I lost my dad when I was nearly 40 and my mom over a decade later.
Over 2 weeks after losing my dad, I remember driving in from New Castle and tearing up...wow, what's this ???
it's been over 2 weeks since he died, he's buried, shiva's passed, why am I still feeling this way?
Most people have stopped asking 'how are you doing?', so, what's wrong with me? I'm too emotional, too soft, not man enough to squelch my tears... I came to the realization that my father had been in my life, for better or worse, for good or bad, for nearly 4 decades. The thought of being over/past the sadness in 2 weeks was outrageous!
What I did learn, as I sat at his grave on Pesach, drinking Slivovitz, a sip for me, then pour a bit on my dad's grave, was the permanence of death. Years prior to my father's death, I wore a necklace with some silver Tibetan skulls, depending on what the wearer chooses, to remind us of the neutrality of death, the impermanence of life, or, well, I'm WAY over my skull's level of understanding to continue, only that for me, at that time, reminded me of the impermanence of this life.
What I soon learned was much greater that my skull necklace ever 'taught' me. Any questions that were unasked would forever be unanswered. Anything that I didn't say to my father while he was alive, would, now, never be heard. Oh, yes, and anything that my father neglected to say to me, was also to be never heard by me. I know we call...cry out to the departed and look for signs of..well, signs, but, it's never like the communication we could have, should have had while both alive.
A number of years back, I wrote some blogs titled: The Unanswered Knock of Love ....we all want it, we all NEED LOVE.
Why we don't ask the important questions of those that proclaim their love for us - - while those that proclaim their love for us, are still alive, remains a mystery.
This friend of mine has had her mom for 6 decades,and my fear is, that she'll be left with unanswered questions ...and now, it's too late for her.
There are many of y'all that will read this - that it's not too late for you to ask....don't wait.... tomorrow may be too late.