Published May 9, 2006
Who knew me better than Frank? Who accepted my ugly naked truth better than Frankie? Who was better able to quietly comfort me than Frankie?
My relationship w/Frank goes back about 17 years when Frankie came to live w/me . When I first met Frankie, she was hiding out in an area west of the city trying to eke out a meager existence. When Frank and I met , we knew that we were meant for each other-'platonically'.
My life was dramatically different then- -that was just before my roller coaster peaked and we went for a fast, downward,dangerous ride together. Those days were my attempt at the suit and tie life. Frankie would watch me in the mornings, sometimes sitting on the crapper watching me shower and then shave-just staring in amazement. When the coaster went down,Frank never complained-just remained my partner and friend, asking for nothing except love-the foundation to a meaningful life, and a good meal.
Frankie and I did a lot of driving then, well I drove and Frankie sat and listened communicating in a way that only Frank could do-you see,Frankie couldn't speak BUT COULD make herself clearly understood. Frankie watched me attempt to destroy myself-more than once,never judgemental but always there with love and sometimes a piercing look as if to say" you're responsible for more than just yourself". Often Frankie and I would put my little son to bed---Frankie sometimes did a better job of comforting than I did-again, asking for nothing but love . Frankie often came into bed w/me,helping me to relax and fall asleep after staying w/ my son till he was sound asleep-asking for nothing but a little love.
As most of y'all know,we've taken in some rescue rabbits o'er the years. One of those rescues was a very difficult little guy who had been in a very bad place b/4 coming to us. He never fully recovered to accept human company yet bonded w/another of our rescues. I was despondent after he died in my arms. I couldn't clear my mind of the constant thoughts of his difficult life. Again-despondent and depressed. I am certain that some of my detractors will have fun with my sadness as they've done in the past-but I was truly depressed , unable to go to work and didn't want to leave the house.Although this lasted only a few days-the sadness of a broken heart was very painful. (I literally cried more at the death of this little beautiful and wondrous creature than I did when my mother died from cancer . In fairness, my mother lived a long,full and happy life yet suffered terribly throughout the last year of her life and her death was a relief to those of us who watched her suffer and lose all quality of life.)
Two things pulled me from these sad and difficult times:
1) I wrote to Lovey and expressed my sadness of losing him after such a short and difficult life but more important - 2) was Frankie's relentless pursuit of me and her expression of love and concern for me and her insistence that I show my love for her. I am not saying that I wouldn't have cleared the sadness on my own, but Frankie's sharing of love eased my grief considerably.
Frankie used to wait for me to go to bed. She'd wait on the couch until I was done reading and would head upstairs with me and into bed. Over the past couple of years she spent her evenings upstairs and came into bed when I crawled in. She relaxed me,eased my pain,loved me truly w/o condition like only an animal can. Tonight's the first night in over 17 years that I go to my bed w/o Frankie's company,warmth and love. Frankie,thank you for you love-I miss you in bed tonight and forever.........