I owe it to Jeff to look after and support his wife and children if they will let me. His brothers, sisters and mother are caring people who are grieving deeply for their brother and son. But, his family through marriage is also grieving deeply for their loss and I would ask that you please stop the hatred and start the healing process. I am sure you would all agree that Jeff would not want his children to be hurt by the barrage of negative comments from both sides. To honestly honor Jeff’s memory we must be willing to accept Jeff’s caring nature as well as his faults. We all have faults which makes us human and special. If you want to lash out at me, so be it because it is what it is. I will not lower myself to respond to any negative or irrelevant banter as that will not help the healing process. Again you are entitled to your opinion and it will not affect me or the way I will remember and terribly miss my best friend Jeffrey S. Diamond.
Again, I want to reiterate that I will miss Jeff (my best friend) more than any of you could possibly know. If I were to tell you why, you would understand why I owe him everything and what I am saying is purely the facts without the bias that you all are expressing in your replies. I will say that you are all partially right and partially wrong and are entitled to your opinions. I think it is very wrong to blame his wife and friends in PA solely for not seeing the depression and deep mental instability that he had or causing his demise by abandoning him and not caring for him. I had numerous conversations with him over the years and based on them, I believe his mental instability started when his father left his family when he was a child and it continued to deepen over the years to the point where death was much less painful than life. While none of us are at fault for his death, we are all partially guilty of not seeing how deeply hurt he was and how deep the mental instability ran. Personally for me, I am finding it unbelievably and unbearably hard to ever forgive myself for not seeing the signs until after his death, by reliving all of our interactions. While hindsight is 20/20 real-time sight is also 20/20 if you recognize what you are seeing and accept it as the truth. You can’t help someone if they don’t want the help by hiding the problem from you. We all hide our problems for various reasons such as, refusing to believe you have a problem, not wanting to burden anyone with your problems, feeling embarrassed that you have a problem and so on. While I am sure this useless and unhelpful finger pointing will continue, I implore all of you to please not disparage his memory and continue to hurt his grieving wife, friends and family (biological as well as through marriage) by saying so many hateful things about all parties involved. For me, I will remember everything about Jeff, the good and the bad. I have to accept that he was a good man and that he also had demons that, when they surfaced, were hurtful and mean. I will take from him how to be a good person as well as how not to be a bad person. The good: being a good friend and helpful to others as well as not being judgmental and the bad: having an uncontrollable temper that can be hurtful as well as spiteful. I hope that all of you will accept what I have said as factual and without personal bias driven by emotion. I will always honor his memory by passing his kindness forward by trying to help others the way he so unselfishly helped others. I will always support his wife and children because they also need the love and support of friends and family. You must remember that she is now raising two children alone and will also play the “what if” game forever, like the rest of us.
The events that took place prior to this were terrifying to her and traumatic. The reason why the P.F.A. was initiated was for the safety of her and their children. It was only a 30 day temporary injunction that she would have broken in a heartbeat if she knew what extreme measures Jeff would have gone to No one ever saw Jeff behave this way and we were all frightened by him. You were not here to see what happened so you really have no right or cause to comment. I was here and I saw the unbelievable look in his eyes after the assault occurred to her brother. I also was with him when he expressed concern and remorse for hurting his wife but, had no remorse for her brother. If any of you were here and saw his irrational behavior you would have also done the same thing that she did to guarantee the immediate safety of her family and their children. Her love for Jeff was honest and sincere and for any of you to question that is erroneous and counterproductive to the healing process for her. You have to realize that the Jeff that he was presenting to his biological family and friends in CA was not the Jeff that was presented to his family and friends in PA. Who we saw was the typical happy caring Jeff. While to his biological family he presented a troubled Jeff. I have no idea why he would do this other than to hide his problems from the people that would have been able to see it and intervene. Also remember that while he may have been hurting he did leave her to raise their children without a father. Imagine for a moment what it is like for her to try and explain to their son where papa is and why his isn’t coming home. Blaming her is spurious and shows ignorance of the true situation that occurred.
I have a lot to say so this will be a 2 part posting.
Part1
I would be remiss if I didn’t attempt to set the record straight for all people putting their opinions and emotional responses in this blog which is continuing the pain for all of his friends and family. While this is a long response it is all needed to be said and I hope it will help others to begin the healing process as it is doing for me. First, Jeff was a good father, a good friend (the best I ever had) and he really tried hard to be a good husband. I watched him over the past several years do things that were very kind, gentle and good but, I also watched him do things that were very mean, wrong and unjust to his wife and her family. I tried so hard, over the last few years, to help him get to the point where I think he tried so hard to get to in his life. He always told me that he wanted to be a good father and husband (because he wanted to be better than the way his father treated his family when Jeff was a child). But, he also said he wanted to be a free spirit travelling the train lines ending up where ever it took him. Due to this internal struggle he couldn’t get to where he wanted to be in his life. I tried so hard to help him with this but, obviously I failed. While I whole heartedly agree that Jeff tried to be a good man, I also watched him fight with his wife and always say she was the cause of the fight. While she did cause some of the fights, he also caused some of them by refusing to compromise with her and refused to accept responsibility for his short comings. For example, when she wanted to spend $10 on maternity clothes for which he became upset over however, he sent $700 on a chainsaw that was really unnecessary to spend that kind of money on when he had a 2nd child on the way and money was tight. By no means am I saying his wife was not responsible for some of the problems in the marriage and it takes two to cause problems in a relationship. For example, she did waste money on things like $100 haircuts, not understanding that he wanted alone time or when he became frustrated when arguing she continued to push him. She would also not let things go when they had arguments until she got an answer, which caused the problem to, at times, to continue for several days. This would frustrate Jeff and I could understand that because it would frustrate me as well. She is not the witch you are making her out to be. She is a kind and gentle woman that did love her husband and family. She did try to get Jeff help several times but, he was resistant to it. I saw them together every day for the last 2 years and like all marriages they had their ups and downs but, she was a supportive wife and a good mother to their children. She is also hurting very deeply and attacking her is very unfair as you were not here and were not privy to their day-to-day life as I.
Man commits suicide at Hermitage hotel
Part4 the final part...
I owe it to Jeff to look after and support his wife and children if they will let me. His brothers, sisters and mother are caring people who are grieving deeply for their brother and son. But, his family through marriage is also grieving deeply for their loss and I would ask that you please stop the hatred and start the healing process. I am sure you would all agree that Jeff would not want his children to be hurt by the barrage of negative comments from both sides. To honestly honor Jeff’s memory we must be willing to accept Jeff’s caring nature as well as his faults. We all have faults which makes us human and special.
If you want to lash out at me, so be it because it is what it is. I will not lower myself to respond to any negative or irrelevant banter as that will not help the healing process. Again you are entitled to your opinion and it will not affect me or the way I will remember and terribly miss my best friend Jeffrey S. Diamond.
December 30, 2007 at 10:49 a.m. permalink suggest removal
Man commits suicide at Hermitage hotel
Part 3 of my comment...
Again, I want to reiterate that I will miss Jeff (my best friend) more than any of you could possibly know. If I were to tell you why, you would understand why I owe him everything and what I am saying is purely the facts without the bias that you all are expressing in your replies. I will say that you are all partially right and partially wrong and are entitled to your opinions. I think it is very wrong to blame his wife and friends in PA solely for not seeing the depression and deep mental instability that he had or causing his demise by abandoning him and not caring for him. I had numerous conversations with him over the years and based on them, I believe his mental instability started when his father left his family when he was a child and it continued to deepen over the years to the point where death was much less painful than life. While none of us are at fault for his death, we are all partially guilty of not seeing how deeply hurt he was and how deep the mental instability ran. Personally for me, I am finding it unbelievably and unbearably hard to ever forgive myself for not seeing the signs until after his death, by reliving all of our interactions. While hindsight is 20/20 real-time sight is also 20/20 if you recognize what you are seeing and accept it as the truth. You can’t help someone if they don’t want the help by hiding the problem from you. We all hide our problems for various reasons such as, refusing to believe you have a problem, not wanting to burden anyone with your problems, feeling embarrassed that you have a problem and so on.
While I am sure this useless and unhelpful finger pointing will continue, I implore all of you to please not disparage his memory and continue to hurt his grieving wife, friends and family (biological as well as through marriage) by saying so many hateful things about all parties involved.
For me, I will remember everything about Jeff, the good and the bad. I have to accept that he was a good man and that he also had demons that, when they surfaced, were hurtful and mean. I will take from him how to be a good person as well as how not to be a bad person. The good: being a good friend and helpful to others as well as not being judgmental and the bad: having an uncontrollable temper that can be hurtful as well as spiteful.
I hope that all of you will accept what I have said as factual and without personal bias driven by emotion. I will always honor his memory by passing his kindness forward by trying to help others the way he so unselfishly helped others. I will always support his wife and children because they also need the love and support of friends and family. You must remember that she is now raising two children alone and will also play the “what if” game forever, like the rest of us.
December 30, 2007 at 10:47 a.m. permalink suggest removal
Man commits suicide at Hermitage hotel
The events that took place prior to this were terrifying to her and traumatic. The reason why the P.F.A. was initiated was for the safety of her and their children. It was only a 30 day temporary injunction that she would have broken in a heartbeat if she knew what extreme measures Jeff would have gone to No one ever saw Jeff behave this way and we were all frightened by him. You were not here to see what happened so you really have no right or cause to comment. I was here and I saw the unbelievable look in his eyes after the assault occurred to her brother. I also was with him when he expressed concern and remorse for hurting his wife but, had no remorse for her brother. If any of you were here and saw his irrational behavior you would have also done the same thing that she did to guarantee the immediate safety of her family and their children. Her love for Jeff was honest and sincere and for any of you to question that is erroneous and counterproductive to the healing process for her. You have to realize that the Jeff that he was presenting to his biological family and friends in CA was not the Jeff that was presented to his family and friends in PA. Who we saw was the typical happy caring Jeff. While to his biological family he presented a troubled Jeff. I have no idea why he would do this other than to hide his problems from the people that would have been able to see it and intervene. Also remember that while he may have been hurting he did leave her to raise their children without a father. Imagine for a moment what it is like for her to try and explain to their son where papa is and why his isn’t coming home. Blaming her is spurious and shows ignorance of the true situation that occurred.
December 30, 2007 at 10:45 a.m. permalink suggest removal
Man commits suicide at Hermitage hotel
I have a lot to say so this will be a 2 part posting.
Part1
I would be remiss if I didn’t attempt to set the record straight for all people putting their opinions and emotional responses in this blog which is continuing the pain for all of his friends and family. While this is a long response it is all needed to be said and I hope it will help others to begin the healing process as it is doing for me.
First, Jeff was a good father, a good friend (the best I ever had) and he really tried hard to be a good husband. I watched him over the past several years do things that were very kind, gentle and good but, I also watched him do things that were very mean, wrong and unjust to his wife and her family. I tried so hard, over the last few years, to help him get to the point where I think he tried so hard to get to in his life. He always told me that he wanted to be a good father and husband (because he wanted to be better than the way his father treated his family when Jeff was a child). But, he also said he wanted to be a free spirit travelling the train lines ending up where ever it took him. Due to this internal struggle he couldn’t get to where he wanted to be in his life. I tried so hard to help him with this but, obviously I failed.
While I whole heartedly agree that Jeff tried to be a good man, I also watched him fight with his wife and always say she was the cause of the fight. While she did cause some of the fights, he also caused some of them by refusing to compromise with her and refused to accept responsibility for his short comings. For example, when she wanted to spend $10 on maternity clothes for which he became upset over however, he sent $700 on a chainsaw that was really unnecessary to spend that kind of money on when he had a 2nd child on the way and money was tight.
By no means am I saying his wife was not responsible for some of the problems in the marriage and it takes two to cause problems in a relationship. For example, she did waste money on things like $100 haircuts, not understanding that he wanted alone time or when he became frustrated when arguing she continued to push him. She would also not let things go when they had arguments until she got an answer, which caused the problem to, at times, to continue for several days. This would frustrate Jeff and I could understand that because it would frustrate me as well. She is not the witch you are making her out to be. She is a kind and gentle woman that did love her husband and family. She did try to get Jeff help several times but, he was resistant to it. I saw them together every day for the last 2 years and like all marriages they had their ups and downs but, she was a supportive wife and a good mother to their children. She is also hurting very deeply and attacking her is very unfair as you were not here and were not privy to their day-to-day life as I.
December 30, 2007 at 10:42 a.m. permalink suggest removal