Desperate vibes may discourage would-be suitors
Dear Annie: I am at my wits' end with my 28-year-old daughter, "Melissa." She is successful, has her own home, drives a nice car, is highly educated, is fairly attractive, works out, runs in road races and is not a wallflower who sits at home waiting for the world to come to her. The problem? She is obsessed with the fact that she doesn't have a boyfriend.
Her younger brother recently got married, and she has been livid ever since. Her last single friend just got engaged, and Melissa is a bridesmaid. Every time she has to do something wedding related, my daughter calls and says, "When is it going to be my turn? What is wrong with me? Why can't I find someone?"
She has tried the online dating thing and has met a couple of nice guys, but they go out once or twice and never call again. She was in one long-term relationship that ended four years ago, and she has had a couple of dates since then, but no real prospects with a future.
It breaks my heart to get these desperate phone calls from her. Nothing I say or do can help her. I can't even introduce her to "some nice young man" because she lives far away and I don't know anyone there. Right now, I think she is giving out desperate vibes and men are running away.
By the way, several of her married friends are already headed for divorce court in their late 20s. How sad is that? They married too soon and picked the wrong people. I think it's better to wait. Any advice for her -- or me? Powerless Mom
Dear Mom: It's not uncommon for those still single to panic when their group of friends begins to marry off. They feel undesirable and worry they may never find a life partner. You really can't do much about this, Mom. Continue to reassure Melissa that she is worthy of a mate, but she should know there are worse things than being single. If she continues to involve herself in interesting activities, she will lead a meaningful life, and she just might meet the right man along the way.
Dear Annie: Recently, I divorced my wife. We have lived in the same small town for many years, and we both have many friends who are dear to us. During the year, but especially through the holidays, many of these people host parties, but either my ex is invited or I am invited, but not both of us.
I do not understand why they feel one of us has to be excluded. I would like to tell them, "We are your friends. Invite us both and let us make up our own minds whether or not to attend." Don't they realize it is hurtful when we are left off the guest list? Wondering Why in Florida.
Dear Wondering: Has it occurred to you that the circumstances under which you divorced your wife may make your friends uncomfortable? That they may disapprove? That your ex-wife has asked them not to include you? Mutual friends often feel they must take sides, or that a divorced couple cannot behave civilly toward one another. You can let your friends know how you feel, but beyond that, the guest list is up to them.
Dear Annie: Is it normal for married couples to sleep in separate bedrooms? It makes me feel like my husband doesn't love me. I know he does, but we have a small bed and we both snore. I have suggested that we get a bigger bed, but he says we can't afford one. What else can I do? Nameless Wife
Dear Nameless: It's perfectly OK to have separate bedrooms as long as it doesn't affect your intimacy levels. Snoring can indicate sleep apnea, so both of you should see your doctor and get checked, but meanwhile, you might consider investing in a set of matching earplugs.
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