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KATHY MITCHELL AND MARCY SUGAR | Annie's Mailbox Making the move comfortable for all



Published: Wed, January 5, 2005 @ 12:00 a.m.



Dear Annie: My 24-year-old daughter, "Diana," and I are very close. This summer she will be marrying "Dave," a wonderful young man. I am happy for them. Dave has accepted a job 12 hours away from here, so they are planning to move. It is a terrific opportunity for both of them. Diana will be able to continue working toward her doctorate, and Dave can advance in his career.

I am a single parent, and Diana is my only child. I have a disability, and although I can make it on my own, there will be things I will have to get help with. I don't have any other family around. Knowing this, Dave and Diana have asked me to move with them.

I respect that they will be a married couple, and I don't want to be the mother-in-law who is always in the way, so I said "no." I love Diana enough to let her go. Unfortunately, the more this becomes a reality, the harder it is getting for me. I am seriously rethinking making the move, but I want to do what will be best for them. Any words of wisdom for me? Brenda in California

Dear Brenda: We commend you for putting your daughter's happiness before your own. However, that doesn't mean you can't have your cake and eat it, too.

Look for a place within a short distance of Dave and Diana's new home. As soon as you are settled, check out local social organizations, or support groups for the disabled, so you will have friends of your own and a life independent of your daughter. If you make a genuine effort not to be a burden, Diana and Dave will cherish having you nearby.

Dear Annie: I read your column every day and really enjoy it, including the recent column about a woman who stopped showing an interest in her husband both physically and emotionally. She withdrew from her friends and family and spent all her time running and exercising.

Your response was that she may be depressed. I gotta tell you, when I read this, I nearly jumped off the chair. This woman may be having an affair.

When I was having my affair, I ran at our local high school track every single day and even lost 30 pounds. I was euphoric and wanted to look good for "him." I pulled away from my husband because I wanted to be alone to daydream. I certainly did not want to spoil that romantic feeling by being with my husband. I stopped seeing friends and family and no longer attended social functions. I didn't want to slip up about this affair, and if I didn't see anyone, I wouldn't have to lie.

I could be off base and the poor woman could very well be depressed, but I must tell you, I saw myself in that letter. New York

Dear New York: You weren't the only reader who mentioned the possibility that the woman was running to another man, and it's true that the symptoms are similar. Either way, we hope counseling is in the picture for this couple.

Dear Annie: I have a question for you. Am I expected to give a tip to a tow-truck driver who comes to help me through AAA? I pay quite a bit to have an AAA membership, and when I recently needed it because I got a flat tire, the tow-truck driver hung around waiting for a tip. I did not have any cash on me and felt uncomfortable. I said "thank you" numerous times and then just left. If I'd had the money, should I have tipped him? Bergen County, N.J.

Dear Bergen: According to AAA, members are never expected to tip. It is one of the benefits of membership, although if the person feels that the tow-truck driver has performed service above and beyond, tipping is certainly permitted.

XE-mail your questions to anniesmailbox@com-cast.net, or write to: Annie's Mailbox™, P.O. Box 118190, Chicago, Ill. 60611.

Creators Syndicate




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